Two Of These

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

11 points that think football is a pleasant game...

1. "It's over for the little guy." Patsy Parisi, The Sopranos.

There is a typically poignant moment in the Sopranos episode ‘Johnny Cakes’ when two mobsters visit their local Starbucks to offer ‘protection’. The store manager is nonplussed and simply refers them to his area manager, before warning every dollar must now be accounted for. The mobsters, bemused, scratch their heads and realise “this thing of ours” has changed forever. Nothing withstands the test of time. Everything must adapt if it wants to survive and thrive. Including Manchester United. We have nobly (or naively) attempted to cling to an ideal seen as obsolete by the rest of Europe. For years we have railed against agents’ payments, inflated salaries and transfer fees. When it came to replacing Ferguson we rejected Europe’s top coaches in favour of David Moyes and a seemingly more traditional approach to management. We sought to give Moyes the previous manager’s paintbrush and canvas because that was, after all, how Ferguson painted his masterpiece. But the canvas was no longer blank. Times have changed and the game has moved on. Since we last spoke we have beaten Palace, West Ham, West Brom, Villa and Newcastle. In between came the atrocity in Athens followed by the most fortunate 3-0 victory I have ever seen. Actually that’s not true – we were extremely fortunate to lose only 3-0 to both Liverpool and City. Now we have a second leg against Europe’s finest side having conceded an away goal. Only victory will save our season. A season that has proven us hopelessly out of touch - both on and off the pitch. And all because we wanted to recreate what we had under Ferguson. The principles that existed when Ferguson was appointed in 1986 are not prevalent in 2014. That is sad. And I admire those who rail against moral decline. But there’s a difference between standing up for what you believe in and getting in the way of progress. We are currently on the wrong side of that line. Unless we invest heavily from the academy to the management structure, the first team and beyond, we will be left behind, forever cast as noble outsiders standing up for what we believe regardless of consequences. The game has changed. It's over for the little guy.

2. Where there’s a will there’s a United way.

There’s a Simpsons episode in which Bart responds to every verbal attack with “so’s your face”. It’s enough to drive his aggressor insane. United fans have their own ‘so’s your face’. Ours is ‘stability, continuity, tiiiiiiime’. You don’t even need logic or supporting arguments. Try it. “Moyes is a clueless twerp.” Stability. “Moyes hasn’t picked the right team once.” Long term. “Moyes shouldn’t have sacked the coaching staff.” Eeeerrr continuity? These words may offer comfort to some but they are, rather unfortunately, just words. They are not – as is so often argued – building blocks of the famous ‘United Way’. And just what is this much-vaunted United way? Is it fast fluent football? Is this a preserve of Man United? Do Madrid therefore play the United way? Lucky them. Are Liverpool currently playing the United way? Christ what a thought. It is a total farce to think that fast, attractive football is a right we as fans ought to expect. It’s also a fallacy to think that only fast, attacking football brings happiness. You’re ahead in a European Cup semi final with twenty minutes to go – do you commit men forwards, playing without abandon? As your opposition picks you apart on the break do you applaud the gung-ho nature of your side? I think not. The United way is a rather redundant, misunderstood and, frankly, childish concept. I feel sorry for the fan that hasn’t realised everything Ferguson did was about winning, not about the preservation of some mythical philosophy born from the ashes of Munich. The Barcelona master plan (semi final 2008), the Battle of Old Trafford (2004 variant), Butt over Scholes in Turin (99) – were these examples of the United way? Or were they decisions made to get the job done? In a season of 60 games how often do you play well? I’d say no more than 10-15. Some games you have good spells, others you simply dig out results. This is the United way. This is the winning way. And for that you can compromise on skill and flair – but never guts and determination. Whether they’re chasing a game, or trying to hold on to a lead, watching a team put their neck on the line is a fully exhilarating, visceral experience. It is football. It’s not about playing a certain way, or getting people off their seats for 90 minutes - it’s about winning. And winning is about courage, determination and leadership. Moyes’s issue is not that we don’t play attacking football – it’s that we play anemic football. We are gutless. We have no right to victory, no ownership over ‘attacking football’ and no guarantee that our players will put their body on the line from one game to the next. The United way has many different forms. Moyes needs to uncover at least one.

3. We’re Man United, so f***ing what?

“We’re Man United for Christ’s sake!" How can we not have {INSERT POSITION THAT OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN RESOLVED IN ANY OF THE PAST 10 TRANSFER WINDOWS}?” When Buttner plays fans are up in arms that we don’t have a spare left back. When Rafael is injured, they wonder how we can only have one specialist right back? What about centre mids? Centre forwards? And so on. We talk a lot about being the biggest club in Europe but we don’t act like it. Certainly the Glazers have done very little to demonstrate they’re serious about owning the best team in Europe. The chronic lack of investment since the Ronaldo sale is one thing, but the distinct lack of ambition in the investments we have made is another. Valencia from Wigan, Young from Villa, Fellaini from Planet Zod – it hardly smacks of the biggest club in Europe does it? We have bought into our own hype. After all, when have we ever dominated the transfer market? In terms of net profits (and percentage of revenues) we are not big spenders. In the 90s Blackburn and Newcastle out bid and out spent us. Come the 21^st century Abramovich took spending to a whole new level before the wealth of the middle east arrived through Sheikh Monsour. And what of our ‘European rivals’? Madrid spent £30mil on a reserve left back (Coentrao) and another £25million on a fifth choice midfielder (Illllllaramiendi). They’re playing a totally different game. Our aim is to produce from within and buy young, outstanding talent. That’s fine. But we’ve even stopped doing that. Since we invested in Nani and Anderson which young game-changing talent have we invested in? Have we spent over £10 million on a player outside the Premier League since Hargreaves? Now, big spending has its own pitfalls – it isn’t the answer to everything. But any team that replaces Paul Scholes with Marouane Fellaini is not taking this seriously. We replaced Ronaldo with Valencia, Tevez with Owen, Rio and Vida with Smalling and Evans while Ryan Giggs is still the best left-sided midfielder at the club (OK maybe Adnan). The only serious attempt we have made to replace a world-class performer is De Gea for Van Der Saar. Without doubt the club had their hands burnt with Veron. Post-Edwards they will point to Berbatov as proof that value doesn’t exist at the top end of the market. But the real problem is we’ve done very little in between to develop world-class talent. Manchester City were going to lose the Carling Cup final before Toure’s intervention. That’s what world class players do. They change the course of history. And though we may have a glorious past, until we acquire some talent of our own, the one thing we can be certain of is a fairly uneventful future.

4. “Some things in life are bad…”

When Paul Lake was stretchered off during Mike Duxbury’s testimonial, Old Trafford serenaded him with a rendition of “Always look on the bright side of life.” In fact, for years, the Monty Python classic was the ground’s most recognisable anthem. It was full of irony and sung with a knowing smile. We weren’t very good but we’d live to fight another day. When Liverpool foiled our title chances in 1992 they sang our anthem back at us. What followed was a devastating 20-year domination in which we didn’t need irony. We didn’t even need a great sense of humour – because everything was funny. As United went from strength to strength, Liverpool floundered and City slumped to division two. Looking on the bright side of life became second nature. So much so we didn’t need to sing it anymore. Well now here we are. And we’re going to need our sense of humour more than ever. Without it the next few years will feel like an eternity. So for old time’s sake, all together now! “De de de de de de de de.”

5. United top of the (away) league!

Stats can be misleading. That United have the ‘best’ away record in the Premier League is a tremendous example of the facts amounting to an outright lie. Beating all the teams in the bottom half has totally distorted the figures. In the games that actually mattered we barely turned up let alone recorded victory. City hammered us, Liverpool beat us, Chelsea embarrassed us and we failed to lay a glove on the most insipid Arsenal side of all time. We drew at Spurs and have yet to play Everton and Southampton at their respective grounds. To say this away league table is misleading is an understatement. It is entirely irrelevant. There’s only one table that means anything and in that we remain, as we have all season, 7^th.

6. There’s no ‘I’ in Rooney

In a recent (and brilliant) piece Peter Oborne (Daily Telegraph) wrote about the rise of the neo-liberal in our society. “Neo-liberals”, Oborne wrote, “regard community, place and nation as worthless superstitions. Above all, they place the individual first.” The subject of his piece was Kevin Pietersen but equally it could have been Wayne Rooney. Footballers have always been a selfish bunch but the past ten years has seen an unprecedented rise in player power. The result has been the terminal decline of team spirit. The idea of a common cause has been trampled on with everyone out for themselves. Individuals such as Rooney aggressively demand what’s theirs at the expense of harmony and community. It’s hard to resent Wayne Rooney (and agents) for recognising his commercial worth. I don’t begrudge him his huge contract. Has he been playing well? Yes, I suppose. Do the team need him? Yes. Was his contract up for renewal? Yes. All boxes ticked. But that’s Rooney - forever box-ticking. All lip service and no heart. No one can claim that Rooney lives an breaths the cause as Bruce, Robson and Keane once did. Rooney doesn’t care about Man United anymore than you or I care about our local amateur dramatics society. If they offer us the main part we’ll take it, if not we’ll move on. At the start of the season he let us all know he would maintain a level of professionalism – but he wouldn’t enjoy it. Like the kid who is forced to say sorry, the words come out, but the eyes are a giveaway. He would run around a lot, he would work hard for the team but he would do it devoid of any joy. With the world watching in August (home to Chelsea), he went for a speculative piledriver instead of slipping in Van Persie. The English media is wowed – he forced a save from 30 yards – Moyes is beaming, but something is wrong. When did proving a point become more important than winning three? And that is the neo-liberal for you. Wayne Rooney. A technically gifted player, the darling of a generation, he ticks all the boxes. He knows how to say the right things. He sometimes even does the right thing. I just can’t help but feel it’s always for the wrong reason.

7. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Ferguson relished having a big squad because he knew the worth of every single player. Moyes is inhibited by it. He doesn’t know his players at all. Since day one he has proven completely incapable of managing a large group of international players. What’s more, he has shown no improvement as the season’s worn on. Which is just as well because, ahead of the Munich game, there is no squad to choose from. RVP is injured, Mata is ineligible, several defenders are out and even Fellaini is crocked. He will be forced to play the hand he’s been dealt. So that means no inexplicable dropping of Welbeck, no Mata on the right at the expense of Valencia’s pace and no constant tinkering at centre half. His only choice will be whether to restore Evra at Buttner’s expense. And if that’s the extent of the decisions he has to make then surely, even Moyes can’t get this one wrong.

8. Words.

“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” R. Kipling.

Moyes is clearly on drugs. That’s something we all know. But he hasn’t been intoxicated by the power of words, as Kipling references. And more’s the pity. True leaders understand the power of words. They know words can manipulate, they can enchant, they convince, they wound and they save. They are weapons that destroy and remedies that heal. History connects our leaders with the words they say as much as with the things they do. Churchill, Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr. – their achievements are encapsulated in the historic sound bites that live on today. Moyes has not grasped that people are inspired by words. When he talks to the camera he thinks he’s talking to the people at home. He is a fool. He has not realised he’s actually talking to his players. Every conversation he has, every interview he gives and every statement he makes should be calculated for the players’ ears. He does not have to give the Sermon on the Mount but he has to understand that his players are looking for a leader. They ought to be hanging on every word he says but at the moment he’s not worth listening to. He’s told them they’re not good enough, that they lack world class talent, that there’s going to be changes, that their old coaches weren’t up to it and that everything they thought they knew was wrong. When Brian Clough told the Leeds players to throw their medals in the bin at least he looked them in the eye. Moyes has taken the coward’s route and done it through the press. It’s no wonder the dressing room harmony previously the envy of world football has gone. We are looking for a leader and we have an apologist. And it’s bizarre because it’s so easy. After all if you say the right things often enough, maybe – just maybe, people will believe you. But Moyes won’t even do that. Well he’ll have to learn because if he calls Liverpool favourites again or tells the world we “aspire” to Manchester City there’ll be no words left to save him. And when he looks back at his career he’ll do well to ruminate on these all-too-true-words:

“Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.”

John Greenleaf Whittier.

9. The truth is out there.

Some people want to know who shot JFK (spoiler alert - it was Lee Harvey Oswald). Others want to know what really happened to Tony Soprano (another spoiler alert – he was killed in the café). Me and 750million United fans (official club data) would like to know exactly what Fergie meant in his speech about “backing the new manager”. What was seen as a fairly benign phrase has taken on a whole new meaning since that historic day. It has conspiracy theorists in a flat spin. Did he mean, “the club is in bad shape, this is going to be a long road back under a new and relatively inexperienced manager so he’ll need your support (aside Moyes is only a few years younger than Ancelotti. Amazing, I know)? Or did he mean, “support him because that’s what nice people do”? Was he even talking to the fans? Maybe it was a cryptic message to the Glazers? Or maybe it was just something he said. After all, Ferguson claimed that he improvised that famous speech on the advice of his son. But can we really believe that? With Ferguson, was not every word calculated? As with all mysteries, the temptation is to analyse minute detail to see patterns that don’t exist. And when things don’t add up after seemingly regular events, conspiracy theories abound. It may not quite be our ‘who shot JFK’ moment, but as with other such historical ambiguities, the truth may never be uncovered.

10. Are you not entertained?

It is common consensus that if attendances plummet, if season tickets are not renewed and if the fans revolt, Moyes will get the sack. You couldn’t make it up. For all the issues that fans have campaigned about over the years including ticket prices, mistreatment at grounds, anti-social kick off times etc. now the Glazers want to hear from us. You could not make it up. Because the club (may) have chosen the wrong manager, but no one within the club is willing or able to do anything about it, they’re putting this on the fans reaction. Thanks but no thanks. While I will hardly cheer Moyes (there’s not been much to cheer frankly) nor will I stand their jeering, taking cheap shots at a man doing his best (even if it’s not good enough). Either the Glazers believe he’s the right man for the job or they don’t. But if they’re waiting for a gladiatorial thumbs up or down moment from the crowd then something is seriously wrong. But then we knew that already.

11. Is Ryan Giggs.

And if it comes down to a choice between him and Moyes then it isn’t really a choice at all.

Friday, 14 February 2014

11 points that think Dylan's Christian albums are under-rated

1. Over the top?

The Battle of The Somme - the tragic centrepiece of the Great War - was devised by the powers-that-be to end the war decisively. It ended up lasting for 6 devastating months. History proves it a tragedy so futile it would be comic if it wasn’t so real. While football is not life and death (Blank disagrees with Shankly shock!) we can learn from the lessons of history. This feels like our Somme moment. Fans are divided by a stark choice: act decisively now or risk an extended future in no man’s land. We could persevere with the status quo, we could even achieve a modicum of success – but at what cost? There will come a point where someone somewhere (a Glazer or Ferguson) will realise that for radical results we must make radical change. That time may not be now but if we’re to invest all our resources for limited success (at best) then you have to ask, what’s the point? Since we last spoke we’ve been on quite the run. We beat Swansea before losing to Sunderland, Chelsea, and Stoke. We beat Cardiff but didn’t actually deserve to. We even had a week off. Because we’re no longer in the FA Cup. We then came bouncing back with a tremendous draw against Fulham before managing a clean sheet at Arsenal that said more about them than about us. This is not a slump. This is life. Not since 1989 have we felt so without hope. We are going into each game blindly climbing over the top and getting gunned down. Since David Moyes told the world “Manchester United always improves in the second half of the season” we have regressed at a quite alarming rate. It has been an utter disaster. And the worst part is, as history tends to show, this may drag on for some time.

2. MUFC: fragile, handle with care

There is only one reason I support David Moyes. It’s because this isn’t about David Moyes. This is about an identity. If this doesn’t work we’re just another club. We’re no different to City and Chelsea (actually we are different – we’re not as rich). We throw money at problems, we sack managers, we covet agents and we bitch and moan our way from August to May. We discard young players (more on that) and demand the impossible from the seniors. In this new world the enjoyment we get from our rivals’ misery far outweighs any hope we have for our own future. We sing stupid songs about Vincent Kompany (oh wait), we trumpet achievements from years gone by to allow for an abject present. In short if this doesn’t work, we have lost everything. This has to work. The principles that we’re fighting for have to win out. Youth, continuity, planning, composure – we have to show that these ideals have a place in the modern world. Ferguson was the link to the past. Now he’s gone the club is wobbling, trying to retain its identity under new management. It’s understandable. The club has suffered a heart attack with the departure of Ferguson (and the inexcusable summer transfer window). David Moyes your job is to help us recover. Because if you don’t, who will?

3. View from the Glazers

This could have gone two ways. Moyes could have taken to it like a duck to water, born for this moment. Or it could have gone the other way. And it’s gone the other way. Oh it has gone the other way. But the facts remain: Moyes was chosen. Moyes was given a 6 year deal. And Moyes was given £37million to spend on a Chelsea outcast in the January window. He’s also been given a mandate to clear the squad and start moulding as he sees fit. If he’s building a new team – and the Glazers are on board with that – then it takes time. They either sack him now or give him at least two more years. There is nothing in between. The Glazers, Fergie, David Gill – they knew his CV. They knew the risk. The pain of watching Mourinho mastermind (and there is no other word – it was stunning the Chelsea performance at the Etihad) a victory over a city side who continually thrash us showed what we’re missing out on - a winning, committed football team fighting for an inspirational manager. Jose is wonderful. But that doesn’t mean he was for us. There were very rational reasons why Moyes got the job. Now more than ever we need to stay true to our principles. I can’t deny that this season has been an unmitigated disaster. But nor will I use this forum as an excuse to vent my frustration and list Moyes’ mistakes. There have been some well articulated pieces of that order but I think they’re poorly timed and too short-term. The fans have been unbelievable. The singing at 3-0 down at Stamford Bridge was unreal. This is a new time, a new era and it’s going to be a new team. All the Glazers will be hoping is that Moyes, though a slow starter, will take some stopping once he gets going.

4. “Denis, Denis - keep playing football.”

I was 10 years old and it was the opening day of the season 1992. Fergie was encouraging Irwin from the sides. I thought the above was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard and remember laughing with my dad about the nonsense that is ‘football-speak’. I now know what Fergie meant. As Kipling put it:

“If you can keep your head when all about you/ Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,/ If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,/ but make allowance for their doubting too…you’ll be a man my son!”

The last minute goals were not a coincidence under Ferguson. They were a combination of factors – one of which was the ability to retain an even temperament in the most desperate situations. Beckham’s corners in the Nou Camp, Giggs pass to Owen, Solskjaer’s touch and finish against Liverpool all came from moments of composure born out of an intense discipline. This season we have no discipline. Against Chelsea we gave away 21 free kicks. The second goal was a classic with Phil Jones making a non-sensical challenge on Willian who couldn’t have been ‘going nowhere’ faster had he been entering a black hole. From there we conceded the goal. At the end Vida got himself sent off. We can blame Dowd – but Vidic let the team down. To make matters worse Rafael went kamikaze into a two-footed lunge that ought to have resulted in a ban. Did we learn from our mistakes? Three days later we hosted Sunderland and conceded 20 free kicks. That none amounted to anything is irrelevant. Think of the stoppages in play, the territory conceded, the possession surrendered – it’s amateur. Under Ferguson we had an immaculate disciplinary record but we were also rock solid at the back. The two are linked. Players were committed to a greater cause – winning the game. So far this season we have accumulated 48 yellow cards. That’s nearly two a game. We have no discipline with and without the ball. And it’s hurting us. Because quite simply, the more we lose our heads, the more games we’ll lose.

5. Luck off

Oh woe is we! Van Persie’s been injured! It was a deflection! Referee! City get all the luck! Some people actually think that. It’s insane. Every cliché about making your own luck, getting the luck you deserve, the luck evening itself out etc. is true. Luck is not a factor in our current predicament. The Eto’o deflection came after Phil Jones had his pants pulled down. The Charlie Adam deflection came from a needless free kick (conceded by Smalling) and a piece of flat-footed indecisiveness from Carrick. Luck had nothing to do with it. The Charlie Adam winner – two players closed down the same man. Against Fulham Vidic gave the ball away. Once that happened we were no longer masters of our own destiny. And that’s the point. You cannot control everything that happens on a football pitch. The game’s brilliance is rooted in its sheer randomness. The ball is round, it spins in funny directions. Players are human. They make inexplicable mistakes. Sometimes things just happen. And anyone who doesn’t understand that in life, not everything can go your way will die disappointed. But the things you can control, you have to control. It is paramount that you take control of the small details. On the pitch you can be organised, vocal, disciplined, well drilled, unified and courageous. But United under Moyes are not in control. They are spiralling wildly out of control. Not until Moyes owns the smaller details can we claim to warrant a bigger slice of luck. And the irony here is that when we’re back in control we won’t need luck. We’ll be masters of our own destiny, smugly looking down on the rest of the world knowing that we didn’t need luck. Luck is strictly for losers.

6. Money doesn’t (always) mean success

The issue as to whether the squad needs major surgery is one thing (it doesn’t/ it didn’t). There’s also the deeper logistical issue of how exactly this regeneration is going to work. Firstly, has an influx (and exodus) of players over a short period ever resulted in a prolonged period of success? I think not. And what of the young players whose game time will shrink when the manager gives new players the minutes they need? It’s a dangerous game to play. Chelsea and City bought success but if anyone thinks we’ll spend what they spent in a two year period they haven’t been paying attention. What’s more, Chelsea and City haven’t produced a single young player since their respective regimes took over. They want short term results and spend hundreds of millions to achieve it. We will never, ever do that. Nor will we be able to persuade established stars to come to Old Trafford. We must stick to what we’ve always done – buy younger, hungrier, raw talent and develop them as part of a winning side. We must invest in the academy and bring more Adnans through (aside - James Wilson is a real prospect). These players need time. But the more players that come this summer, the more players will be affected and, eventually, leave. This is not what we’ve been working towards under the Glazers. I cannot understand why all of a sudden they would sanction such an overhaul. If they wanted to spend big money on big players then they should have appointed Mourinho. Or even better they should have given it Ferguson. The idea, I thought, was for Moyes to continue Ferguson’s work – and now he’s going to tear it up and start again. Odd. And then there’s the issue of which players he’s going to buy. Because so far we have spent £70million on two of the slowest players I have ever seen. It’s no wonder we’re going nowhere fast.

7. Do not adjust your TV

How awful is the league table? I find myself squinting at the tele/ paper in an attempt to make it palatable reading. In previous years you could spin the table in such a way as to end up feeling better about life. ‘If we win x game and Chelsea lose y then we’ll be 5 points clear.’ Or if we win on Sunday we’ll only be 3 behind and still have to play them at ours’. Since August whatever valiant attempts you make to reimagine the league table it remains painful reading. There’s no spin that can save us from the ignominy of seventh place. It’s February, we are seventh. Do not adjust your TV.

8. The man who wasn’t there.

Nemanja Vidic. How much do you really know about our captain? On the pitch he’s a monster. That man won us more games than any other player in the Ferguson era. Think of those dour one nils season after season post Ronaldo. Ball goes into the box, ball comes out of the box. Nemanja Vidic - a complete defender and a born winner. But off it, was he ever one of us? Whereas we felt we knew Keane, Robson, Beckham, Bruce inside out (for better or worse), Vidic has always been something of an enigma. Constantly linked with a move away (no smoke without fire), he seemed keen to keep his options open. And that’s hurt our new manager. The one player Moyes will have looked to in an attempt to hit the ground running would have been his captain. But he has not been the same player. Now I’d argue that the shape of Moyes’ United has not helped Vida. He’s been left isolated and not given the protection afforded to Terry (e.g.) who has been cajoled into the Indian Summer of his career. But Moyes clearly isn’t prepared to build around Vidic. Perhaps he’s not the man Moyes was hoping for (maybe the feeling’s mutual). Ferguson said at the start of the season that if we keep Vida fit “we’ll have a great chance.” So far he has played in 22 of our 36 games (14 out of 25 PL fixtures). That’s two more than Giggs and two less than perma-crocked Carrick. For the captain they’re not great stats. The feeling is that with Ferguson gone, Vida loosened his top button and took it all a little less seriously. He’s now moving on and will retire a wealthy man. I can’t begrudge him that. Under Ferguson very few got 10+ years. Giggs, Scholes, Keane, Rio, Robson, Neville. For reasons I can’t quite put my finger on Vidic doesn’t belong on that list. Quite possibly it’s because, unlike those players, when the going got tough, the tough got going.

9. There’s a slow train coming

David Moyes please reveal your master plan and convince me it doesn’t consist of Mata on the left wing. He’s small and slow – not the physical requirements of your classic wide player. Moyes has joined an illustrious club with this acquisition. Just as when Ferguson signed Veron and Kagawa, Moyes has created a problem for himself. A player like Mata has to be integral to the side. He’s a schemer, a touch player who needs to be involved in and around the box (a bit like Kagawa but that’s a completely different/ exactly the same story). My thoughts on Rooney are well known but if Moyes wants to build his team around him it’s his call. But a front three of Rooney, Mata and RVP is slow. Like really slow. The myth that RVP and Rooney could perfectly co-exist was blown out of the water the minute Ferguson played Welbeck against Madrid. Now we’ve added another talented but immobile player into the mix. We have lost our ability to break, our power to get round the back (aside - Evra was a huge part of that and it’s a disgrace we didn’t sign a left back in the summer) and we lack (as we all know) quality in wide areas when Adnan doesn’t play. Juan Mata is not the answer. Ferguson always said Manchester United was a train that waited for no man. And he’s right. Just now it’s a really slow train. And it’s driving me round the bend.

10. Balloon D’Or

It’s been another amazing month in the career of Wayne Rooney. Just when you think the zenith has been reached, he finds another peak to climb. It begs the question: is there anything this talisman can’t do? Not content with spectacular contributions in the league, Rooney also scored the goals that sent us to Wembley and into the fourth round of the FA Cup. People talk about Ronaldo and Cantona – but they’re distant memories. The present is Wayne Rooney. He scores at will, takes every game by the scruff of the neck, bullies defenders and always, always hits the target. His dynamic movement is matched only by his prolific output. If the rumours are to be believed that he’s about to earn £300k a week then it’s money well earned I say. And though talk of the captain’s armband may be premature, his unofficial role as team spokesperson is not. Wazza is our leader. Our leader is not that good.

11. Is Ryan Giggs

Ryan Giggs was young once. He was 17 years old and he was lightening. To this day he is the quickest, most graceful footballer I have ever seen. It’s funny to think that after the initial buzz wore off, some United fans didn’t like him. They didn’t think he cared. His body language showed he wanted to be elsewhere. 94/95 he had a terrible season and people wanted rid. He clearly wanted to move to Milan anyway. Fast forward 75 years and here we are. Young players – even Ryan Giggs – go through tough times. They learn and evolve. It’s called growing up. It’s called Ronaldo. It’s called Darren Fletcher. It’s called Gary Pallister. How can fans of MUFC not have realised this by now? It is absolutely not OK to slag off young players. Young players should be exempt from criticism. They are learning their trade. The number of people I hear slaughtering Chris Smalling, Tom Cleverly, Jones and Welbeck is astonishing. Why? Because they aren’t Rio, Scholes, Keane and Van Nistelrooy? If you haven’t realised by now that, as part of a squad, these boys will contribute then I pity you. If you haven’t also clocked that they, you know, might improve over time, then you do not deserve to watch them play. You should be forever marked with a tattoo that says, “I slagged Daniel” as he scores the winner in the European Cup final. This season our young players have been badly let down by the senior pros. Welbeck, Jones, Adnan and Rafa should not have been taking penalties in a semi final. The responsibility shouldn’t have been with them. They are Man United players and have standards to maintain - yes. But the time to judge is not now. These players are our future. They need protecting. They need our support. Even Ryan Giggs was young once.

Friday, 10 January 2014

11 points that already want a second stab at 2014

1) I am two people. One is calm, considered and appreciative of our current predicament. This person understands that all good things come to an end. And boy was it good. This person realises that it’s unfair to demand a seamless transition. After all you cannot worship a man like a God then move onto the next idol when he’s gone. It doesn’t work like that. So that person realises. But this split personality has another side. The Hyde. This person is depressed, angry and frustrated that his greatest love has been destroyed in 6 short but torturous months by David Moyes, his backroom staff, Ed Woodward and of course, the Glazers. I am two fans. One is reasonable. The other is angry. One understands. The other is despondent. Where one sees hope, the other decline. Since we last met there was a winning run (Shakhtar, Villa, West Ham, Hull and Norwich) followed by a quite stunning start to 2014 (3 defeats in 3 competitions). United themselves seem be the perfect match to my newly found bi-polar disposition. Their form has proven after all these years that the old adage really is true: you win some, you lose some. And that, gentlemen, is life. We just didn’t realise it before now.

2) Moyes and the players have entered the vortex. They are in a vicious cycle, on the wrong end of a narrative that they will not escape until they recapture the glories of old. There has been a paradigm shift. Ferguson was a winner – everything he did was right. Winning begets winning. And unfortunately, losing begets losing. There is no middle ground. It’s a winner’s paradise out there and Moyes is lost, miles out at sea. And I’m not just talking the 3 games in 2014 – I’m talking about his whole career. There is no tangible success he can point to. No “feast your eyes on these bad boy medals” that reassure us he’s the man for the job. But then Moyes wasn’t appointed for his CV – he was appointed for the manager he could become. And that’s fine but he needs to win some games, win a trophy and turn this ship around quickly or he will never recover from the loser’s cycle he currently finds himself in. Compare and contrast the two men. Moyes losing his nut on the touchline is a man out of control. Ferguson doing it was a sign of control. Moyes deciding a player isn’t good enough is a farce, but with Ferguson it was a sign of decisiveness. Now to compare the two men is a) ridiculous on my part and b) unfair on Moyes, but the truth is the same for any man who wants to manage MUFC. Unless you are a winner you’ll lose every time.

3) It is my absolute right to sit on the fence re Moyes. I refuse to believe he’s the archaic fool that he’s being made out to be I just wish he’s shown a whole lot more in the last 6 months to convince me he isn’t totally overwhelmed. I worry about standards. How high are they? Alarm bells rang when he arrived and immediately waxed lyrical about Ryan Giggs. Of course we adore Giggs – but has he not been playing for over 20 years? Surely Moyes was aware of his quality. Obviously not. Moyes hasn’t worked with world class players before. His standards are lower. Signing Fellaini smacked of a manager who didn’t understand the requirement of a Manchester United player. It’s all very well to say he was 8^th on the list – but why was he on the list at all? To listen to Phil Neville bang on about ex-Everton players as if they were gods is equally alarming. To hear him say ‘Felli’ can be a great box-to-box midfielder when a) not only is that patently untrue b) he’s never even showed that at Everton, smacks of a management team with the bar too low. Manchester United became dominant not because they are Manchester United. They became dominant because of the incredibly high standards set by the manager. He didn’t want to win the league. He wanted to win 10 leagues. He didn’t want to win in Europe, he wanted to dominate in Europe. He was loyal to his players but when a better option presented itself he didn’t think twice. These are the standards and I think Moyes has fallen into the trap of thinking that Manchester United will always win games and win trophies because they always have. That quite simply isn’t true. No team deserves to win. They only ever win what they deserve. Even the famous Man United.

4) “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.” In this brave new world nothing makes sense. United do not win 4 games on the trot, build momentum then lose at home to Spurs on New Year’s Day. That just doesn’t happen. Unfortunately we are constantly experiencing thing that are not ‘supposed’ to happen. We don’t lose 3 on the bounce. We don’t lose in the third round of the cup. We don’t look like a total bunch of strangers in a semi final. But this is the transition. We are discovering new and weird things about one another. We are recalibrating and learning about ourselves all over again. At times it’s torture. But it’s a challenge. Having absorbed (and by absorbed I mean kicked and screamed like a toddler in meltdown for a week) the Spurs defeat I wasn’t overly surprised or upset by the subsequent defeats. If we’re going to come 5^th, then we may as well come 15^th. If we aren’t going to win the cup, then the third round is as good a round as any to go out. People talk about par for the course: we should be getting to a semi final and coming top four. That is wrong. We should be winning the league and the cup. That is what we aspire to. And if David Moyes has a vision to get us back onto that path over a 5 year period then I'm with him come what may. If he doesn't then he's in the wrong job. There are so many questions waiting to be answered. Why did Moyes do this, why did he do that, who is Ed Woodward, where is Ed Woodward, why is Ed Woodward – but these are to obsess over detail. There is absolutely no comfort in the detail right now. In truth we need only one question answering. Is David Moyes the man for the job? And for better or worse, only the fullness of time can answer that.

5) We do miss Paul Scholes. Carrick was magnificent last season but let’s not forget Scholes’s early season contributions. Without him (and a fit Carrick) we move the ball so slowly. We lack either the confidence or quality to go for the jugular. Our best moments have come with a directness and confidence to commit men into the box. At Villa, against West Ham and for 15 minutes against Spurs we were electric. But other than that we have become hideously predictable. That is the worst thing I can say. We are totally and utterly predictable. The players are trying to play the Ferguson way but with David Moyes as manager. That can’t work. Whatever it takes, Moyes needs to get the players dancing to his tune. If it’s new players he needs, new coaches, new tactics, new everything then he has to go for it. But he’d better change the record because right now we’re dancing to a tune everyone has heard a thousand times before. In all honesty, even our opponents know the words.

6) The panic is all consuming. I am not above a good tantrum and a complete meltdown. The press are (understandably) full of it. The knives are out. But we must remain calm. If Moyes loses his nerve and signs players he doesn’t believe in (which is exactly what happened with Fellaini) then we won’t come back. If the board panic and get rid of Moyes (which there is absolutely zero chance of happening) we’ll be finished. We need to take our time, relax and stick to the plan. Talk of moving on 12 players and bringing in (presumably) the same number is a farce. There is no evidence in the history of football for this model producing success. The top clubs build. They invest in youth, let them make mistakes, sprinkle the core of the side with stardust and give them time to gel, to become a unit. Liverpool under Dalglish (first time) stopped buying young players (second time he just bought crap players – but they still love him. He has done more to ruin that club than any other man but they worship him. It’s weird). They let the team grow old. Souness came in and tried to change too much too soon. That was his single biggest mistake. Look at Spurs signing seven players from all over the world. How could that ever be expected to work? If you are a very successful side you can absorb 3/4 new players. They’ll be given time to work out what it’s all about and eventually find their way into the side. But anything more than that just cannot work. This United squad needs adding to – it does not need culling. You never turn down world class players – but you can count on one hand those that fit into that bracket. We have some very good players, one world class player (RVP) and one potential world class player (Adnan). There are some players who are too sure of first team football and some not getting enough. It would be wrong to say we don’t need to add to the squad but it would be suicide to panic.

7) Young players are not necessarily those under the age of 21. Young players can be as ‘old’ as 25. It’s to do with experience and physical development as much as age. I have never been Tom Cleverley’s biggest fan but now is not the time to get on his back and claim that because he’s 24 he should be doing better. This is only his 2^nd full season of Premiership football. He made his breakthrough in 2011 before missing 6 months of the season with injury. He played last season making this his 2^nd full season. Whether he’s 19 or 23 this is still his 2^nd season. So to put pressure on him because of his birth certificate is a farce. He is a young, inexperienced player and watching him now – he’s desperate for a rest. He is mentally exhausted and making countless basic errors. The mistake and foul against Sunderland was an unfortunate example of that. He’d switched off in the middle of the park then compounded the error with a tired and poor decision in the box. A fit and fresh Cleverley would not make that mistake. He may not be a world beater but now is not the time to judge him. Fletcher and Jones will take his place in coming weeks and though he might not thank Moyes for it now, no one will be more grateful in the long run than TC23.

8) Anybody who thinks Ferguson attending games has a bearing on anything is an idiot.

9) You know you’re in trouble when the January window takes on unprecedented importance. The situation we are in is due solely to the lack of activity in the summer. This is not the result of a Glazer-induced trend. People criticising the Glazers (which I fully understand) saying that they’ve taken too much money out (they have) and not put enough in (also true) are perhaps missing a key point. Let me ask this question: if the Glazers had told Fergie (post-Ronaldo) that money is unlimited, go nuts, do you think we’d have signed the world’s best players? How different do you think the squad would be to the one we currently have? I’d argue not very. MUFC have always struggled to attract (and retain) Europe’s top talent. They realised as soon as Abramovich came along that developing young talent was the best bet to securing long term success. In 2014 there are 10 Abramoviches while Madrid, Barca and Munich have the rich pickings of their respective leagues. We will not win a transfer war however much we are prepared to spend. I am not a Glazer apologist but then nor is Gary Neville who has been banging this drum for years. The best teams develop their own. Yes it needs to be augmented with world class signings but if you think money is the sole reason we have struggled in the transfer market, then more fool you.

10) Darren Fletcher – the bright spot. It’s hard to under-state how incredibly unlucky both he and United have been. When he broke into the team he looked like a good runner with a big game temperament. Perfect to play in a three against Arsenal or in Europe. He didn’t look like a truly top midfielder. In fact, for a while, he didn’t look like a footballer. In 2006 his game went up a level. Competition for places was fierce but he did not shirk the challenge. In 2008 when he’d missed out on a place in the UCL final his game went up another level. It was then we started to see a midfield maestro. Comfortable in front of the back four, or further up the pitch, what he lacked in skill he made up for in temperament and energy while being a terribly under-rated passer of the ball. His performances that season were best epitomised by his red card at Arsenal in the semi final 2^nd leg. 4-0 up on aggregate with a few minutes to go, Fletcher who had kept Cesc quiet all night, executed the most perfectly timed tackle to prevent a consolation goal, only to find himself on the end of a red card. Out of the final he didn’t cry, he didn’t harangue the ref and he didn’t moan. He took it like a man. His performances the following season were of an incredibly high standard with a high point in Milan. Then his illness kicked in bringing his career to a shuddering halt. When he came back it was his first game in just under a year. In fact this was only his 12^th game since Christmas 2010. 3 years. On discovering his operations were successful the club made a conscious decision to stick by him. They feel they have a quality player back in the squad. If this is the real thing then Moyes will be vindicated for doing what’s right by the club. As a player he is no Bryan Robson but, assuming his recovery is permanent, Fletcher will be the next United captain. The club have taken a risk – but when it’s one of your own, it’s a risk worth taking.

11) Is Ryan Giggs. I just wonder if maybe his new coaching role and business interests are catching up with him. For the very first time he has looked half a yard off the pace. Could the life of Ryan as we know it be coming to an end?

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

11 points that feel the new Anchorman film has rather snuck up on us

1. Last Christmas I gave you my heart/ but the very next year you gave it…to David Moyes. Oh last Christmas - how I long for thee. Or the Christmas before. Or the one before. Or any of the past 20+ Christmases. Remember how it was? Last season we drew at Swansea and it was a disaster. Last Christmas we took 22 points from the 24 available during the festive season. Last season we went 9 points clear. This season good tidings we do not bring. December is usually our month. It is a time of rejoicing (drinking), celebrating (drinking) and good cheer (drinking). It is also the time when United put their foot down, go up through the gears and to the top of the table. Typically we’d emerge New Year’s Day with a hangover, 3 pounds overweight but a few points clear at the top. Not this year. This year we have descended hard and fast into the ranks of the mere mortals. And it hurts. Since we last met there has been the high (Arsenal) and the lows (Cardiff, Spurs, Everton and Newcastle). We’ve won in Europe but not against much. 2013 can’t end fast enough. What a difference a year makes.

2. We were all prepared for the transition. We knew we wouldn’t be lifting metal in May. But this is so much more than that. This is having everything you thought you knew shredded into lies and mistruths right before your eyes. This is getting to heaven and finding out that God is a Liverpool fan. This isn’t about the odd defeat. This is about realising that everything you held true has gone. It is a waste of everyone’s time for me to sit here and tear into David Moyes. To micro-analyse his individual mistakes with my rudimentary thoughts on formation, tactics and other such nonsense. That is pointless. Mistakes were always going to be made. But it’s astonishing how little prepared he was for the job. Given he knew months ago he was taking over I assumed the “I couldn’t start before July 1” line was a cover story to avoid engaging Everton’s wick. Now I’m not so sure. Alarm bells were ringing when he admitted to never having seen Kagawa play and when he selected an aging, negative side for those tragic opening fixtures. He’s been playing catch up ever since. The players are struggling to adapt. They are professional but they are uninspired. They are not stupid. Bar the odd performance (against weak sides such as Norwich, fulham and Leverkusen), they have regularly been second best. Against Arsenal they ceded possession to the better footballing side. Alarm bells will have been ringing for some time. The false dawn of the Arsenal victory was achieved at the cost of Carrick and Van Persie ahead of the busiest time of the season. That was cruel – but inevitable. When it rains it pours. Especially in Manchester.

3. Moyes would argue that this is not a fair test. This is not his team. This is Ferguson’s team and his job is not to manage someone else’s side, but to create his own. That takes time. It requires 2 or 3 transfer windows to stamp your authority on the squad. Which makes the summer dealings even more bizarre. Had Moyes spent wisely we would not be in this position. Look at the impact Ozil has made at Arsenal. They would feasibly not be in the top 4 without that signing. Top players have that galvanizing effect. Think Cantona, think Van Persie. Moyes inherited a good squad. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It needed a Scholes replacement (and a Rio replacement) but it was a good squad. But if you don’t move forward you move backwards – there is no in between. Moyes and Woodward dallying and procrastinating hurt us – and will continue to do so throughout the season. It was a negative seed with roots that neither spread nor flower; they wither and rot. Much like our season. Carrick’s injury has accelerated the process and shown just how desperate that transfer window was. And now January is upon us Moyes finds himself caught between a rock and a hard place. He has to spend. This squad without Scholes and with Fellaini cannot push for top 4 without strengthening. But as we are constantly told (by our own club), January is not the time to do business. Moyes is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. January is shaping up to be much like the summer. Just a lot colder, a lot darker and a lot, lot more depressing.

4. Moyes is like a beleaguered kid at the fair. He’s playing that whack-a-mole game but he just can’t crack it. Every time he hits one mole another pops up. Everyone knows we are weak in centre mid. Slowly people have realised we are struggling in wide areas (at least Adnan has come through – Christ thank the lord for Adnan). But now we have a big problem at centre half. Vidic looks terribly immobile. Rio who was magnificent last year looks finished and Moyes’s refusal to play Evans for the first month of the season has left him bereft of confidence. Smalling and Jones have been played at right back and in midfield respectively leaving us with a big issue. Against Spurs we looked awfully slow and flat-footed. I rate all our centre halves yet we are defending badly. We have no pace, we’re giving away needless fouls and conceding from the subsequent set pieces. We are too deep and not defending as a unit. All the careful succession planning Ferguson put in place with Evans and Jones seems to have been thrown out the window. No single player has won us more dire 1-0 victories than Nemanja Vidic in the past 25 years. His decline could not have come at a worse time. Moyes needs to add a 25 year old world class centre half to his ever growing shopping list. Or Distin.

5. Why is Rafael not playing? And I mean playing every single minute of every single game. Did you know that at the weekend no team attempted fewer forward passes than MUFC? And by quite some distance. Carrick’s importance to this side cannot be over-stated – but nor can forward-minded, thrill seeking full backs such as Rafael Da Silva. He is a gem. Moyes needs to free him if he’s serious about moving forwards.

6. Since the day I attended my first away game I’ve been immensely proud of the originality of our songs. A sense of humour, a love of melody and a nod to history – the key ingredients to our greatest terrace chants. Of course you cannot know what will and won’t take off – but a good mix of quality and quantity mean that we are the envy of many a match going fan. But we’re in danger of letting ourselves down. A song that was dedicated to a legend like Nicky Butt should be used only for the legend that is Nicky Butt. The morons that sang Ashley, Ashley Young are dead to me. Likewise those that sing it for Januzaj. I like the new Adnan song (lotto ad) but not the Van Der Sar Man rehash. It’s not original. I detest the Kagawa song. Firstly, that tune is used by every club in the country. Secondly, it’s racist. I admit to singing it initially, finding it amusing. Then I realised that it’s not ok just because it’s in song form. We can do better. I am, of course author/ co-author of some of the most fantastically awful United songs in history. Jaap Stam (Roxanne), We’ve Got Dong Fhanzou (Heavy D), Darron Gibson (Paparazzi), Darron Gibson (Scarborough Fair), The hills are alive with Diego Forlan, Wayne Rooney do you know what he’s worth (Belinda Carlisle) – these may not be terrace classics (yet), but they are at least original. I’d prefer terrible and original to chants that any club could conceivably call their own. Christ knows we need something to entertain us.

7. Or should this be point 25? Valencia’s foul then subsequent lapse of concentration in the Everton game summed up everything that is bad about United under Moyes. Forget that Valencia has seemingly given up trying to play football – that is not his first lapse in concentration this year (City). All season long we’ve been giving away stupid free kicks and conceding goals from set pieces (City, Liverpool, Stoke, Southampton, Cardiff, Spurs, Everton). It’s amateur. We all thought the one thing Moyes wouldn’t accept was a drop in professional standards. But the Cardiff goal in the 89^th minute, the Everton goal in the 86^th, the Kyle Walker free kick – these are the things that’ll kill you. For all the talk of formations, transfers and systems the simple truth remains – if we did the basics well we wouldn’t be 9^th.

8. Football is stupid. I could not connect the praise Rooney received post -Arsenal with his actual performance. His effort couldn’t be faulted and he stamped his personality all over the game, but at no stage did he match Van Persie’s quality. Against Cardiff and Everton he had the chance to win the game but failed to find the target on both occasions. The English media adore rooney. That’s fair enough, everyone needs a hero but every time I see RVP I see an actual world class player. Always turning and majestic on the ball he so often produces match wining moments. Without him at Cardiff and spurs we were never winning those games. To see Moyes rush him back for the Newcastle game smacked of desperation. He is our golden ticket – he has to be cared for. He is one of the top players in Europe. Look after him and he’ll look after us.

9. Coaches do not make or break a football club. Mike Phelan’s shorts were not responsible for our twentieth title. Meulensteen leaving is not the reason we lost two consecutive home games. But coaches can give you an insight into goings on behind the scenes. Two things happened this week. One was Phil Neville claiming that Duncan Ferguson had the potential to be “up there with Yorke, Shearer, Cole and Van Nistelrooy as one of the very best.” The other was Steve Round citing the Leverkusen win as evidence that we can go all the way in Europe. Let’s start with P Nev. I adore the man. But that is utter bullshit. I liked Big Dunc and if I’d been an Everton fan I’d have worshipped him. But he was not a top class player. Not even injury free. He was a good player at the right club. That is it. When Kiddo suggested John Hartson to the board Ferguson basically sacked him. But maybe Moyes agrees with Phil. Maybe Steve Round agrees. Maybe they all sit around and agree. That’s what terrifies me. We know there’s rebuilding work to be done and talent to be identified. That’s fine. But is the current management the people to do it? All evidence so far suggests not. And talking of evidence: Steve Round if you’ve seen any other European games you’ll know that Leverkusen are one of the weakest sides in the tournament. It was a good result but it proved nothing. As proven by all subsequent results and performances.

10. I felt for Moyes after Everton. (And not just because our downward spiral is being emphatically highlighted by their spectacular upward trajectory. Though that is pitiful for all concerned.) Being booed by fans he’d served for 11 years, having built a club they could be proud of must hurt. He has to be given credit for what’s going on at Everton. Without him Howard, Jagielka, Baines, Coleman, Pienaar, Mirallas etc do not develop into a top team. Yes Martinez has clearly given them something extra – no one can deny that. But Martinez could not have done what Moyes did all those years ago. To take Everton out of the doldrums and put them above Liverpool with limited resources is a laudable achievement. Football is increasingly tribal and ill tempered. It’s time for Everton fans to rise above it and acknowledge the sheer dedication he gave that club. And if anyone’s going to slag him off, it really ought to be us.

11. Is Ryan Giggs. “The smile diffident, the eyes determined” (the great - and criminally mistreated - Barry Davies). That was the true Giggs in Class of 92. Funny and smart, we saw a leader with a fierce determination lurking behind those dead eyes. A one-off. No saint but a winner. I’ve never been more certain that he’ll be the next MUFC manager. It just might be a lot sooner than even he thinks.