11 points that feel the new Anchorman film has rather snuck up on us

1. Last Christmas I gave you my heart/ but the very next year you gave it…to David Moyes. Oh last Christmas - how I long for thee. Or the Christmas before. Or the one before. Or any of the past 20+ Christmases. Remember how it was? Last season we drew at Swansea and it was a disaster. Last Christmas we took 22 points from the 24 available during the festive season. Last season we went 9 points clear. This season good tidings we do not bring. December is usually our month. It is a time of rejoicing (drinking), celebrating (drinking) and good cheer (drinking). It is also the time when United put their foot down, go up through the gears and to the top of the table. Typically we’d emerge New Year’s Day with a hangover, 3 pounds overweight but a few points clear at the top. Not this year. This year we have descended hard and fast into the ranks of the mere mortals. And it hurts. Since we last met there has been the high (Arsenal) and the lows (Cardiff, Spurs, Everton and Newcastle). We’ve won in Europe but not against much. 2013 can’t end fast enough. What a difference a year makes.

2. We were all prepared for the transition. We knew we wouldn’t be lifting metal in May. But this is so much more than that. This is having everything you thought you knew shredded into lies and mistruths right before your eyes. This is getting to heaven and finding out that God is a Liverpool fan. This isn’t about the odd defeat. This is about realising that everything you held true has gone. It is a waste of everyone’s time for me to sit here and tear into David Moyes. To micro-analyse his individual mistakes with my rudimentary thoughts on formation, tactics and other such nonsense. That is pointless. Mistakes were always going to be made. But it’s astonishing how little prepared he was for the job. Given he knew months ago he was taking over I assumed the “I couldn’t start before July 1” line was a cover story to avoid engaging Everton’s wick. Now I’m not so sure. Alarm bells were ringing when he admitted to never having seen Kagawa play and when he selected an aging, negative side for those tragic opening fixtures. He’s been playing catch up ever since. The players are struggling to adapt. They are professional but they are uninspired. They are not stupid. Bar the odd performance (against weak sides such as Norwich, fulham and Leverkusen), they have regularly been second best. Against Arsenal they ceded possession to the better footballing side. Alarm bells will have been ringing for some time. The false dawn of the Arsenal victory was achieved at the cost of Carrick and Van Persie ahead of the busiest time of the season. That was cruel – but inevitable. When it rains it pours. Especially in Manchester.

3. Moyes would argue that this is not a fair test. This is not his team. This is Ferguson’s team and his job is not to manage someone else’s side, but to create his own. That takes time. It requires 2 or 3 transfer windows to stamp your authority on the squad. Which makes the summer dealings even more bizarre. Had Moyes spent wisely we would not be in this position. Look at the impact Ozil has made at Arsenal. They would feasibly not be in the top 4 without that signing. Top players have that galvanizing effect. Think Cantona, think Van Persie. Moyes inherited a good squad. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It needed a Scholes replacement (and a Rio replacement) but it was a good squad. But if you don’t move forward you move backwards – there is no in between. Moyes and Woodward dallying and procrastinating hurt us – and will continue to do so throughout the season. It was a negative seed with roots that neither spread nor flower; they wither and rot. Much like our season. Carrick’s injury has accelerated the process and shown just how desperate that transfer window was. And now January is upon us Moyes finds himself caught between a rock and a hard place. He has to spend. This squad without Scholes and with Fellaini cannot push for top 4 without strengthening. But as we are constantly told (by our own club), January is not the time to do business. Moyes is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. January is shaping up to be much like the summer. Just a lot colder, a lot darker and a lot, lot more depressing.

4. Moyes is like a beleaguered kid at the fair. He’s playing that whack-a-mole game but he just can’t crack it. Every time he hits one mole another pops up. Everyone knows we are weak in centre mid. Slowly people have realised we are struggling in wide areas (at least Adnan has come through – Christ thank the lord for Adnan). But now we have a big problem at centre half. Vidic looks terribly immobile. Rio who was magnificent last year looks finished and Moyes’s refusal to play Evans for the first month of the season has left him bereft of confidence. Smalling and Jones have been played at right back and in midfield respectively leaving us with a big issue. Against Spurs we looked awfully slow and flat-footed. I rate all our centre halves yet we are defending badly. We have no pace, we’re giving away needless fouls and conceding from the subsequent set pieces. We are too deep and not defending as a unit. All the careful succession planning Ferguson put in place with Evans and Jones seems to have been thrown out the window. No single player has won us more dire 1-0 victories than Nemanja Vidic in the past 25 years. His decline could not have come at a worse time. Moyes needs to add a 25 year old world class centre half to his ever growing shopping list. Or Distin.  

5. Why is Rafael not playing? And I mean playing every single minute of every single game. Did you know that at the weekend no team attempted fewer forward passes than MUFC?  And by quite some distance. Carrick’s importance to this side cannot be over-stated – but nor can forward-minded, thrill seeking full backs such as Rafael Da Silva. He is a gem. Moyes needs to free him if he’s serious about moving forwards.

6. Since the day I attended my first away game I’ve been immensely proud of the originality of our songs. A sense of humour, a love of melody and a nod to history – the key ingredients to our greatest terrace chants. Of course you cannot know what will and won’t take off – but a good mix of quality and quantity mean that we are the envy of many a match going fan. But we’re in danger of letting ourselves down. A song that was dedicated to a legend like Nicky Butt should be used only for the legend that is Nicky Butt. The morons that sang Ashley, Ashley Young are dead to me. Likewise those that sing it for Januzaj. I like the new Adnan song (lotto ad) but not the Van Der Sar Man rehash. It’s not original. I detest the Kagawa song. Firstly, that tune is used by every club in the country. Secondly, it’s racist. I admit to singing it initially, finding it amusing. Then I realised that it’s not ok just because it’s in song form. We can do better. I am, of course author/ co-author of some of the most fantastically awful United songs in history. Jaap Stam (Roxanne), We’ve Got Dong Fhanzou (Heavy D), Darron Gibson (Paparazzi), Darron Gibson (Scarborough Fair), The hills are alive with Diego Forlan, Wayne Rooney do you know what he’s worth (Belinda Carlisle) – these may not be terrace classics (yet), but they are at least original. I’d prefer terrible and original to chants that any club could conceivably call their own. Christ knows we need something to entertain us.

7. Or should this be point 25? Valencia’s foul then subsequent lapse of concentration in the Everton game summed up everything that is bad about United under Moyes. Forget that Valencia has seemingly given up trying to play football – that is not his first lapse in concentration this year (City). All season long we’ve been giving away stupid free kicks and conceding goals from set pieces (City, Liverpool, Stoke, Southampton, Cardiff, Spurs, Everton). It’s amateur. We all thought the one thing Moyes wouldn’t accept was a drop in professional standards. But the Cardiff goal in the 89^th minute, the Everton goal in the 86^th, the Kyle Walker free kick – these are the things that’ll kill you. For all the talk of formations, transfers and systems the simple truth remains – if we did the basics well we wouldn’t be 9^th.

8. Football is stupid. I could not connect the praise Rooney received post -Arsenal with his actual performance. His effort couldn’t be faulted and he stamped his personality all over the game, but at no stage did he match Van Persie’s quality. Against Cardiff and Everton he had the chance to win the game but failed to find the target on both occasions. The English media adore rooney. That’s fair enough, everyone needs a hero but every time I see RVP I see an actual world class player. Always turning and majestic on the ball he so often produces match wining moments. Without him at Cardiff and spurs we were never winning those games. To see Moyes rush him back for the Newcastle game smacked of desperation. He is our golden ticket – he has to be cared for. He is one of the top players in Europe. Look after him and he’ll look after us.

9. Coaches do not make or break a football club. Mike Phelan’s shorts were not responsible for our twentieth title. Meulensteen leaving is not the reason we lost two consecutive home games. But coaches can give you an insight into goings on behind the scenes. Two things happened this week. One was Phil Neville claiming that Duncan Ferguson had the potential to be “up there with Yorke, Shearer, Cole and Van Nistelrooy as one of the very best.” The other was Steve Round citing the Leverkusen win as evidence that we can go all the way in Europe. Let’s start with P Nev. I adore the man. But that is utter bullshit. I liked Big Dunc and if I’d been an Everton fan I’d have worshipped him. But he was not a top class player. Not even injury free. He was a good player at the right club. That is it. When Kiddo suggested John Hartson to the board Ferguson basically sacked him. But maybe Moyes agrees with Phil. Maybe Steve Round agrees. Maybe they all sit around and agree. That’s what terrifies me. We know there’s rebuilding work to be done and talent to be identified. That’s fine. But is the current management the people to do it? All evidence so far suggests not. And talking of evidence: Steve Round if you’ve seen any other European games you’ll know that Leverkusen are one of the weakest sides in the tournament. It was a good result but it proved nothing. As proven by all subsequent results and performances.

10. I felt for Moyes after Everton. (And not just because our downward spiral is being emphatically highlighted by their spectacular upward trajectory. Though that is pitiful for all concerned.) Being booed by fans he’d served for 11 years, having built a club they could be proud of must hurt. He has to be given credit for what’s going on at Everton. Without him Howard, Jagielka, Baines, Coleman, Pienaar, Mirallas etc do not develop into a top team. Yes Martinez has clearly given them something extra – no one can deny that. But Martinez could not have done what Moyes did all those years ago. To take Everton out of the doldrums and put them above Liverpool with limited resources is a laudable achievement. Football is increasingly tribal and ill tempered. It’s time for Everton fans to rise above it and acknowledge the sheer dedication he gave that club. And if anyone’s going to slag him off, it really ought to be us.

11. Is Ryan Giggs. “The smile diffident, the eyes determined” (the great - and criminally mistreated - Barry Davies). That was the true Giggs in Class of 92. Funny and smart, we saw a leader with a fierce determination lurking behind those dead eyes. A one-off. No saint but a winner. I’ve never been more certain that he’ll be the next MUFC manager. It just might be a lot sooner than even he thinks.

11 points that have been meaning to be written for a few days

1) Welcome to winter. Traditionally a time of comfort for United fans. Maybe we’re masochists and like the cold. Or maybe we’re used to watching our team pick up points and climb the table. But now as November begins in earnest we find ourselves in unchartered territory. Put it like this: if we are to go on a run it’ll have to be a good one. Since I last wrote we drew in Dhonestk, beat Sunderland, had a torturous international break, threw away points against Southampton, beat stoke (somehow), progressed in the league cup and beat an anaemic Fulham side at Craven Cottage. It’s been a head scratching time. Signs of a turnaround are there but two questions remain: 1) what has the huge dip in form been all about and 2) are we really on the rise? To answer the first question is to go over old ground. Point 2 is what we all really want to know. And with games against Sociedad and Arsenal and trips to Cardiff and Leverkusen to come in November we’ll get our answer soon enough.

2) I’m going to contradict myself now. Anyone expecting performances to come before results is misguided. Think back to dark times and remember how we came through them. We lost 5-0 at Newcastle, 6-3 at Southampton then 2-1 home to Chelsea in 1996. It was the first time we’d ever lost three Prem games on the bounce. How did we react? With a 1-0 win over arsenal (Winterburn og). What about the 6-1 defeat to City in 2011? Did we respond with swashbuckling,  cavalier football? Er no. 1-0 at Everton, 1-0 at Swansea, 2-0 at QPR, 1-0 at Villa – it was painful at times. But we went back to basics to get the results that gave way to more expansive performances. What about the autumn of 2001 having lost famously to Bolton, Liverpool, Arsenal, Newcastle and Chelsea (BLANC – but then west ham ruined it with Defoe scoring the only goal in a 1-0 win at OT)? How did we end up top of the league in January? 1-0 at Middlesborough, 2-0 at Everton etc etc. At Man United we are obsessed with attacking football. Wayne Rooney and Robin Van Persie will always get the headlines. But unless you can keep a clean sheet, defend as if your lives depend on it, the front players will never get a chance to shine. Rooney’s consolation goal and performance at City prove that. It’s all for nothing if you cannot grind out a 1-0 forgettable win at home to Southampton. Those victories were as much a part of the ferguson era as the last minute comebacks we all loved so much. Dire victories when the team didn’t get out of first gear - but nor did it have to. This season we haven’t had any of them. We’re working very hard for our rewards. The win at Stoke was miraculous given the nature of our defending. The back four was too deep, the midfield was too high, unable to press and the ball was played into our box at will. We got lucky. Against Southampton we paid a heavy price for not killing the game off. But in reality that should have been another dull 1-0 win we’d all have forgotten about the second we left the pub.

3) So the contradiction. Based on the above logic, our past few results should indicate that a significant upturn in form is just around the corner, yes? Results are there, form is next surely? Right? Sorry to be miserable but not just yet. We have big problems at home. The players don’t know how to defend and the back four looks like they’ve never met before. I’d argue Arsenal on Sunday has come at the worst time. When Ferguson retired, the club was always going to go into shock. And it’s going to take a lot more than our annual win at Fulham to convince me that the famous Man United are back.

4) I couldn’t quote any of what Ferguson said on Friday night. Not because I wouldn’t do it justice (I wouldn’t) but because it all washed over me with the warmth of the sun’s rays. It was nice. Pleasing. I enjoyed it. The book itself is entirely uncontroversial with nothing we haven’t heard before. The pickle Liverpool FC and the press got themselves in made me laugh. It amuses me how the most successful manager says something and the world rushes to disagree with him. It was too obvious. The churlish remarks from the press who always seem to think they know better and that it’s all very silly really – isn’t Ferguson just a little senile – were inevitable. In this country anyone with a differing opinion is an idiot. But are there not countless examples of genius who pushed back on accepted wisdom and created something beautiful out of a grand old mess? Didn’t Ferguson make a career of this? Yet the proof of his unparalleled and quite astonishing success was deemed irrelevant. What mattered was what they thought. Anyone who dared to insist on a different narrative to one that had steven gerrard as one of the best ever players was a lunatic. Maybe ferguson is wrong (he admitted he was in a minority) but isn’t it instructive the way he’s looking at the game? Instead of trotting out generic truths he is looking, analysing, making his own mind up, with a clear vision of how he wanted his teams to play and what sort of player was required to achieve that. In this country players like Gerrard and Rooney are feted for their moments of brilliance while the sheer monotony of Scholes’ casual brilliance is a cause for debate. Gerrard’s highlights reel is as good as any to have played in this country. But he hasn’t won the trophies of other top players – yet it’s blasphemy to criticise. In the book Ferguson clearly explains that he may not always have been right, but he was always sure of his own mind and, most importantly, was never afraid to act. It was about management, control, vision and leadership. It was not about agreeing with everyone, pleasing anyone and conforming to accepted norms. Those are not the qualities of a winner. And when the fat lady sung, there was only one person who ended on top.

5) Normally, right about now, at this point, here just here we’d talk about Shinji. We might wonder at the injustice of life that a player so good can play so little part in his side’s fortunes. Or we’d say that it’s all very well what you did at Dortmund but there’s been no hint of that form since signing for United whatever anyone wants to believe. But we’re not going into that – because it’s sort of all become strangely irrelevant. Because now we’re going to talk about Adnan. Fulham was the first time I’d seen him up close and personal. He is wonderful. It’s unhelpful to compare him with the greats after five games but I cannot resist marvelling at his balance just as we did with Giggs all those years ago. He doesn’t have Giggs pace and I’m loath to place him on a pedestal just yet (I call it the O’Shambles Effect – it’s chronic and once contracted a young player has no chance. Symptoms are inability to jump or tackle but have a disproportionately wonderful song) but he’s got it. And as sorry as I am for Shinji (lovely player) he just doesn’t stand a chance. Adnan is just so exciting.

6) It was clear from the first that Marouane was a little short (on quality). But I today I understand for the first time why Moyes panicked and bought him. (No not because Adnan needs a bodyguard.) Marouane is part of a numbers game. Tonight we face Sociedad and, without Evans and Carrick we’re struggling for players. Vida won’t play twice in 3 days and with Rafael injured jones and smalling will play in the back four. That leaves us literally with no one in midfield. With scholes retiring, Fletcher not returning and Anderson frozen out our only options without marouane are carrick cleverly and jones. At 11pm on transfer deadline day having had a bid for every other midfielder in Europe rejected Moyes was left with a stark choice. To Marouane or not to Marouane? That was the question.

7) There’s talk that ORVP isn’t happy. That’s he’s not electric anymore.  The smile has gone! He misses Fergie! Well don’t we all? Don’t let them get in your heads. The enemy is planting seeds of doubts – waiting for us to implode. I absolutely refuse to believe that Moyes has antagonised his best player and now RVP wants out. Here is a man that worked hard to secure a move to MUFC. Is he really going to turn his back on a dream move (he could have gone to any club in Europe last summer don’t forget) because of a training session here or there? He is not that guy. As for body language – do not think you know him. For years United fans thought that Giggs didn’t care and that Heinze would die in a United shirt. You don’t know what you don’t know. All strikers are the same. When they’re not scoring, when they’re not winning and when other players are hogging the headlines they’re not happy. Would we want it any other way?

8) It’s a funny old league this year. I tried not to laugh too hard at Chelsea losing or Joe Hart’s brain freeze, because we’re just as hilarious. The Stoke game has haunted me. The defending for Southampton’s corner – the horror, the horror! The league is like a snow dome, shaken but not yet settled. With Ferguson retiring and both City and Chelsea changing managers it’s no surprise. What’s more, the new television deal and FFP are starting to have an effect (though long term remains questionable). In previous years any team that had a want away star player would have to sell. Not this summer. Everyone is rich. But because of FFP (and incompetence on our part) the top clubs were unable to sign the world’s best. With other teams flush with cash and signing the next best things the gap between the top 4 and the rest shrank. It’s really no surprise to see Everton up there – they have a very good team (built by Moyes whatever revisionist Everton fans want you to believe) and an actual squad. Five years ago they could have never afforded that. The result is a league table that reads like 1985. It will take a while. I wouldn’t get carried away with United beating Norwich and Fulham – I think there are more lowlights to come. But I do think that if any team gets close to thirty points from their last ten games they will win the league. In 93 we won our last 7 and it was enough. This time around absolutely anyone can win it but as with all great comedy, it’s all about the timing.

9) There’s a myth. Namely that in this league there are big games and there are small(er) games. Note the pundits queuing up to remind us that Arsenal haven’t played any big games yet. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong. There are 38 big games with 3 points at stake in each. The team that gets towards 90 points is likely to win the league. Rocket science! Arsenal could lose home and away to united and Chelsea but win the league by ten points. It’s a complete nonsense to stress greater importance on games between ‘big clubs’. It’s important to go on a run of victories, to treat every game as a chance for three vital points. This is where Moyes comes under scrutiny. Everton were renowned for following a tremendous result at home with an inexplicable and illogical loss to Villa or West Brom (no idea if that actually happened). One step forward, two steps back. David Moyes needs to understand that the league is won over thirty eight long weeks of Premiership football – not games against Arsenal and Chelsea alone. We won’t go back over squad mismanagement but moving forward form players must play and the squad trusted to do its job. There is no such thing as a small game.

10) I actually think he’s going to go hell for leather in the January window. Whatever happens the club cannot afford to not spend, mis-spend or over-spend in another transfer window. Too much damage was done this summer to think we can go through it all again.

11) Is Ryan Giggs – and that Sociedad performance was wonderful. But for the first time we have a young player who may actually take his place. I’m trying so hard to keep my knickers on but, Adnan, I do like you.

11 points that think maybe now is a great time to get into NFL

1) Twelve months ago I nearly wrote an emergency eleven points. We’d started the season like a drain and had lost at home to Spurs for the first time in 24 years. I was worried. Very, very worried. I was, of course, over-reacting. Emotional. Spoilt. Good teams will always experience bad results. They’ll always endure difficult spells. Things will go wrong. Great teams, great clubs come through those spells somehow better off than before. “How much can you really know about yourself until you’ve been in a fight?” (Fight Club) And we’re in a fight right now. Not for form, not for trophies, not for instant success. We are in a fight to remain a club famous for responding to adversity with an even greater show of strength. Since we last met we beat Palace and Leverkusen but took a beating in the derby before reaching a nadir (hopefully) home to West Brom. Oh and we beat Liverpool in the Mickey Mouse Cup. It’s not been good. We haven’t scored a league goal in open play since Swansea. We haven’t looked like scoring a league goal from open play since Swansea. We’re in a fight. Defeat is acceptable. Crumbling on the back of a defeat, feeling sorry for yourself and panicking is not. We have played worse at Anfield and won and that isn’t the first (or last) beating we’ve taken of the world’s most expensively assembled squad. But it was the response (on and off the pitch) that wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t United. Or rather it wasn’t the United we’ve come to know. Because it wasn’t always thus. We are not United because we are successful. We are successful because we are United. We’re not owed anything. The thousand yard stare of anyone over 30/40/50 will tell you all you need to know about the 70s and 80s. We spent the 80s blaming injuries for our failures and spent 1974/5 in division 2. Sustained success and a place at the top table isn’t guaranteed. It has to be fought for. And to win that fight Moyes has to hold on for dear life to that intangible but priceless quality United have boasted for the past 20 years: they may be down but they’re never out.

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2) So to Moyes. I was in favour of the Moyes appointment and I’m not going to withdraw that support now. Christ knows it’s tempting and I’ve thrown a few tantrums these past few weeks, but he needs time. What we’ve seen so far hasn’t been good – on and off the pitch (and I’ll elaborate). But it’s very early days. All big institutions that undergo radical and vast change suffer in the short term. Steve Jobs was Apple. He passed and bequeathed an untouchable legacy to Tim Cook. The share price dipped, Samsung took a huge chunk of their market share and all of a sudden the gloss was gone. Now Apple are open season. But what could they have done differently? Probably not a lot. Great success is something of a poisoned Eden. You wouldn’t swap it for the world but when it’s gone it leaves bitterness and open wounds. So what does Moyes do? Honestly? Nothing. He needs to do and say nothing. He needs to take stock, keep his own counsel, assess, analyse, learn and make judgements as he goes. He is not doing himself any good with rash changes, radical team selections, new training sessions, new coaches (aside – Moyes had to bring his own people in. Apart from P Nev. I don’t get the P Nev thing), new media approach while trying to learn how to be manager of Manchester United. The Ferguson comparisons (he did nothing for 4 years) are laughable. Ferguson inherited a club on its knees. An oil tanker sinking in the Atlantic that he turned round. Moyes has a sleek machine (Apple) that needs fine-tuning. The real change must come from him, not the club. And that’s the crux. In time Moyes has to be his own man, with his own ideas and his own plan. Right now he needs to adapt to Manchester United – not the other way round.

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3) Mistakes have been made – shock. Ferguson and Gill going at the same time had disaster written all over it. Let’s not go into it again (it’s just too painful) but for Moyes and Woodward to spend all summer telling the world how many players you need and how much money you’ve got and to come up with a £28million Marouane Fellaini (more on him later) is nothing short of criminal. It wouldn’t have happened with either Fergie or Gill. It’s something that needs addressing. Yet the noises coming out of the club about spending £50mil in January are terrifying. (It reminds me of a transfer window not so long ago actually.) Shopping in January is the equivalent of resorting to buying a last minute Father’s Day card from a pharmacy on the way home from work. It’s desperate. Mistakes have been made and more will be made still – but making the same ones again would be unforgivable.

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4) To get into the detail is to go over old ground. There have been chronic mistakes with team selection. I’m struggling with the attitude that ‘we had tough games so we needed to play our best eleven’. Firstly, how did that go for you David? Secondly we do not have a best eleven. It’s painful that we are still having this discussion. Ferguson was the master of squad management because he knew the value of every player. He knew how to get players the games and make them feel a valued member of the squad. He pioneered that. When other managers moaned about injuries he saw it as an opportunity to blood a young player. He knew he’d need Park Ji Sung for a European knockout game in March so made sure he had enough football to keep him in peak condition for that time. He wasn’t a reserve. He was a first team player. Jonny Evans isn’t a reserve. He’s a first team player. He’s played 157 competitive games for MUFC. Of course he needs to prove himself to the new manager – but no more so than Vidic or Ferdinand. He needs to play. The manager needs to forget about a first eleven and understand that there are over 20 players who will contribute to a successful season for Man United. They need to be valued and entrusted with more and more responsibility. If they let Moyes down or don’t perform then he should get rid. Until that day he needs embrace the squad. They will respond.

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5) A revisionist media is now saying the squad isn’t so strong after all. Oh here we go! Moyes has spent the weeks since the derby telling the world the squad is lacking. Is the implication that ferguson knew? Are the Glazers are to blame? Or was Ferguson happy with the squad and he and Moyes have differing opinions (that’s fine)? Either way is the squad not good enough to beat West Brom? Even if we over-performed last season, are we not a top 4 side now? I’m utterly confused. Have I missed something? Has new evidence come to light? We have five international centre halves, we have four outstanding (and varied) centre forwards, two wonderful full backs and one of the league’s outstanding players in Michael Carrick. Are we saying that the squad that were all over Real Madrid last season, that won at city, Chelsea and accrued 89 points isn’t actually very good? I’m just not having that. To quote tony Soprano, ‘frankly I’m depressed and ashamed’. We lack a quality wide player as we have known for years – and moyes failure to address that in the summer was startling (more on that) – but the squad is strong. It may not be the best squad of all time and it could have done with more investment in the summer, but the squad is strong. Now it’s up to the manager to get them to perform as a team.

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6) “Just when I thought I was out – they pull me back in.” Every now and then I have a moment of clarity in which everything makes sense. It’s a transition year, it’ll take time – let’s just relax. Then I read the paper. And my Zen is disturbed. Because every day is another Moyes-fed article about how the are players aren’t good enough, how we need to buy better players, how we are after this player and that player etc etc blah blah. In that instance my serenity crumbles, falling to the floor like a broken digestive. Words, words, words. And it’s not just Moyes. The players are at it. Vidic post City, “we’ll bounce back”. Even Buttner is having his say (who gave him a microphone by the way?). And let’s not forget the official United twitter feed. The team behind that could teach Goebbels a thing or two. Everyone at the club needs to take a deep breath and stop. Time to close ranks, have a moment of introspection and go again. As G Nev said, Man United is an island and the rest are all sharks waiting to attack when we step into the water. For now it’s a good idea for Moyes et al to remain on dry land.

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7) My head is telling me everything will be ok. It will take time. It’s the biggest job in the history of football. They have appointed Moyes the man – not moyes the manager. If they’ve got it right it will all click and we could have another dynasty on our hands. I still think that. But my gut – my gut is pointing to Marouane Fellaini. From the first minute I saw him play I was shocked. It’s not like me to make rash statements but he’s not a united player. He’s the sort of player we’d have signed in the 80s. A solid division one player who lacks the pace to make the difference at the highest level. I’m worried we’ve bought a donkey. If Veron and Berbatov weren’t good enough this guy doesn’t stand a chance. And that worries me. If moyes is right and the squad needs work, if he's right that we over performed in recent years and if he's right that we need to spend big money in transfer market - is he the man to do it? Because given the one player he's bought so far I’d be loathed to trust him with another penny. 

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8) OK Glazers if ever we needed you (we don’t and we didn’t) the time is now. )Actually it was the second Ferguson told you he was retiring – but given that didn’t happen now will have to do.) I am not the sort to cry and moan when the £40million deal doesn’t come off. I can only imagine the hoops that need to be jumped through to pull of a deal like that. But some clubs manage it. Yes those clubs are filthy rich but then, according to our very own twitter feed, so are we. Our revenues are destined to grow and grow as the debt comes down and down. Except one problem: we’re tight. It’s as simple as that. The number of players good enough to elevate a team to the champions of Europe (that is what we’re aiming for right?) is small. So throwing money around willy-nilly (as some actually want us to do) would be ridiculous. If people expect us to do this they are absolutely kidding themselves. The Glazers managed the Tampa Bay Buccaneers with the single-minded policy that they would only acquire players through the draft system or in the free, unattached market. They have brought the same (relative) philosophy to United. We won’t compete with City or Chelsea when it comes to agents’ fees (we don’t even pay as much as arsenal or Liverpool). Fine. But what I thought we did was buy the top talent and develop it in house. It seems we’re not doing that anymore. And given we can’t conclude deals for players that want to come (such as Jim Leighton Orient Baines from Batman) then who exactly are we signing? (Do not mention Marouane. I said no.) If the money was there it’s criminal that it was left unspent. If the money wasn’t there then we’re in big trouble. Because if we’re not willing to spend big money and if our squad isn’t as good as we thought then we’re about to discover it really was Ferguson holding it all together. If that’s the case we’re going to witness the unravelling of the famous MUFC a lot quicker than anyone expected.

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9) I’ve created a new game. It’s called ‘Where’s Wilfy?’. It’s really simple. I show you a picture of the Man united teamsheet (including bench) and you have to point out Wilfried Zaha. First to spot him gets an hour’s coaching with Marouane Fellaini (you are the coach). Interested? No? A trick? Moi? Ho-ho you’re not as gullible as I thought. It is of course an optical illusion. Wilf is not actually there.

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10) Amidst the sea of confusion and pit of gloom there has been an ember of hope. Wayne ‘Wazza’ Rooney. Congratulations Wayne on actually attempting to live up to your potential and maybe enjoy life as a millionaire footballer. When he’s on song he is a wonderful player. But it won’t last. He’s like a recovering crack addict in downtrodden America who’s found god. He’s all energy and intensity – but there’s weakness there. He could slip any second. Any moment he could go back into the sulking ‘I don’t like the gym’ addict that nearly saw him commit career suicide. And if he does don’t be sad. Chelsea will still buy him.

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11) Is Ryan Giggs. Ferguson spoke in America last night, saying that Giggs, Scholes, Becks etc created the spirit at MUFC that is still prevalent in the dressing room today. His role is crucial even today. But he will know that a happy dressing room is a winning one. You could see it in those cold eyes against Liverpool. He had to win that game. He couldn’t lose to City and Liverpool in the same week. That attitude needs to be passed down to the next generation – sooner rather than later.

11 points that just realised international week lasts for ten days.

1)

I’m not unhappy with what we did or didn’t do. I’m just devastated by the way we did or didn’t do it. And I’m not just talking about that farce of a transfer window (which lasted for three long, torturous months) – I’m talking about the football as well. Yes the football. I am drawing no conclusions from our first three games. I am trying desperately to not let the disaster that was yesterday colour my view of our squad (which remains strong). I’m attempting to silence the noise that would have you believe the club is about to implode because of a bad few months. It’s not. But it has been a bad few months compounded by a poor start to the season. Those are the facts. I’m not jumping to dramatic conclusions – but those are the facts. The disgrace of the transfer window aside I remain relatively relaxed. This was always a transition season. Mistakes were bound to be made and there are unquestionably more (painful) learnings to come. But therein lies the key word. Moyes has to learn. He could never have known everything he needed to know about being united boss. It’s unfair to expect him to walk through the door and understand the intricate dealings of the top end of the market, or to master squad rotation (especially when Chelsea, Liverpool and City are in the first five games) while still producing three big performances in a week. He is still getting to know his squad. Everything is new to Moyes. He wasn’t appointed because of his proven record. He was appointed because of his proven character. Once he understands what United is all about he will fly. Just like Ferguson did. So mistakes will be made and we will have to accept that. In the meantime what’s important is not what we do but the way that we do it. If we want to go for a win at Anfield then we do it the United way. If we want to get stuck in and soak up pressure and spring on the break then we do it. We do not succumb to a first half beating, conceding from a corner after four minutes. If we want to sign a player then we go hell for leather to get it done. We don’t under-pay, we don’t negotiate release clauses and we don’t make our business public. Whatever Moyes and the board want to do I’m behind them. But all I ask gentlemen is simple: do it like you mean it.

2)

I had a thought (inspired by a piece Jamie Jackson wrote in the Guardian) that the end of Ferguson signalled the start a new attitude. Instead of being hostile to the world’s media, now seemed a good time to open up. Why? Simply put: if the Premier League is the greatest show on earth, United should strive to be the star attraction – on and off the pitch. So they (Glazers et al) decided the club was going to use their gravitas to dominate headlines and bring the press on side. There will be news on transfer targets, a twitter account, briefings with the boss (on and off record) – in short if you want a story United will give it you. We are open, transparent and the main attraction in the spectacular global franchise that is the Premier League. That’s great in theory. But in reality it has turned us into a farce. I want the best players in the world at United. But I accept when they don’t want to come or we can’t afford them. You make an enquiry, you get told thank you but no and you move on. It happened under fergie, it happens under the Sheikh and it will happen under Moyes and Woodward. The difference is now we have decided to tell everyone our business. We have thrown caution and discretion to the wind. We have become an open book and people are taking pages out of us. We managed to alert the whole of Europe to our desperate need for a midfielder. We also told them that we couldn’t get the deal done for a pack of crisps. It is truly the blind leading the blind. We made two bids for Fabregas, both were rejected before he stated his love and continued commitment to Barca. Our response, instead of keeping it in-house was to release the most bizarre and seemingly non-ironic statement telling the world we respect cesc and we respect his contract. And then we moved on. If we had moved on to no one I’d have understood it. I was ok with that. Either they’re world class or they’re not good enough – there is no in between. This logic I understand. We wanted Bale but he didn’t want to come. That’s completely understandable. But we didn’t try and sign Theo Walcott instead. Good. Yet when it came to the central midfield position we’ve so desperately since Keane (we haven’t) we decided that we would adopt a new scattergun tactic around Europe. Maybe this is standard practice. I don’t know. But because we have now decided to tell the world our business and drip feed it to the press, we looked desperate. And we were. We refused to meet release clause valuations raising the question of whether or not we understand how release clauses work. We were scrimping and saving on baines, raising the question as to whether or not we had the money we said we had. And finally we were bidding for short-term solutions such as De Rossi and Khedira raising the very valid question - just how desperate are we? Maybe there’s an explanation for everything. But there is no explaining the timing of events and the sheer strategic failure that took place behind the scenes. Either we have long term targets we want to pursue or we don’t. But to find ourselves in a blind panic a week before the window shuts is wrong. It is not the way to do business. To read the papers and see we’ve bid for three players in the same position on the same day was shocking. Where is the planning? Who’s to blame? The Glazers? Woodward? Moyes? In reality it’s probably all three. But how did it come to this? The Glazers buying the club had many negatives – but it did give us a sense of professionalism that Edwards and Kenyon could only dream of. We were savvy, smart and astute. We knew full well we couldn’t compete with Abramovich and the Sheikh. So we did our business early and we did it on the quiet. We invested in young players and reaped the rewards of continuity which brought with it a simple ethos: team > individual. Nothing has changed. The market is even harder to crack now with PSG and Monaco determined to crash the party. So what gave Moyes such confidence we’d pull off any signings? Why was Woodward so smug? And why oh why did we feel the need to flaunt our business all over Europe? In a few short months we have lost all the respect painstakingly accrued by Gill and Ferguson. Now, all because we wanted to be known as the greatest show on earth we’ve turned into the soap opera we thought we’d never become. To play on Barca’s motto: we are in serious danger of becoming ‘just another club’.

3)

It takes spectacular work to make a £28million signing seem like a disaster. But United have managed it. The players must have watched deadline day unfold – who knows what this has done to them. And amongst it all is a 6’4 Belgian lad who’s walked unknowingly into an utter mess. I feel sorry for him. Firstly let’s put to bed this ‘overpaid’ nonsense. We have not overpaid for Fellaini. Each player has his own, independent worth. It’s based on his existing contract (plus any clauses), his club’s needs, their valuation, the buying club’s needs and their valuation. It is stupid to say ‘Spurs signed eriksen for £11mil and United signed fellaini for £27mil therefore united are mugs.’ We are mugs - but not for this. Fellaini is a proven Premiership player whose standout performances have been against united, arsenal and city. He has done it for five years and had several years left on a big contract. Everton paid £15million for him in 2008. I am no financier but I’d want at least a ten million pound profit on that investment given the success he’s been. So the price is the price. Young, proven premiership players will always come with a premium. That’s life. That is the sort of player we have always signed and always will. It’s why I’m so angry about the last week of the window trying to sign every tom dick and harrydinho. We don’t need to be desperate. Fellaini is a very un-Ferguson player for sure. But this is Moyes’ side now. He needs to work with players he trusts and who he feels he can improve. Fellaini fits this bill. What he lacks in pace (and he does lack pace) he makes up for in skill, strength and goals. No one can say he doesn’t add something we don’t need. I envisage him playing deeper than he did for Everton (given Rooney is still here) and he’ll give us a presence we so desperately missed against Liverpool. Put simply: if he becomes a valuable part of our side, he’ll quickly become priceless.

4)

But it works both ways. Every player has a value to his current and prospective club. For united to pull out of the Herrera deal because they didn’t agree with the valuation of his club is ridiculous. To not pay the Baines money because they don’t think he’s worth £20million is to completely miss the point. Those players are worth that amount to their clubs. Neither club needs to sell. Atletic Club are very wealthy and find it hard replacing players as they can only recruit from Basque. Everton, just like the rest of the Prem, are flush with cash due to the new TV deal. They have no need to sell to pay Bill’s bills anymore. In fact they’ve got money to burn. So while United might not value Baines at £20mil they do. And that’s what matters. So united had a simple choice: stump up the cash early on or move on. Whatever you do don’t leave it until the last minute. I think there’s some serious explaining to do on both these deals. If Moyes wanted to sign a left back because he doesn’t rate Evra, fair enough. That’s his prerogative. But for god-sake just do it. Do not find yourself looking for a working fax at half-past ten on transfer deadline day. These two deals in particular need explaining. And I’ll be furious if the club attempts to sweep them under the carpet.

5)

And amongst all this there has been some football. It started well (lovely chip Daniel), dipped slightly (hit the target Daniel) and reached rock bottom in the first half at Anfield (we’re in blue today Daniel). It is pointless trying to work out the new manager after three games. It’s unfair and constant questioning will only lead to misery and more questions. We have to trust Moyes and give him the time he deserves. However, he needs to know that the first half performance against Liverpool was completely unacceptable. And conceding goals from corners against a side hardly full of 6 footers is not good enough. Now, the short termers remember every ferguson performance at Anfield as heroic and impeccable. They are wrong. Last season we stole victory against ten men while the previous year we nicked a 1-1 draw that was the equivalent of losing on points having not raised a glove in a fight. There is no cause for alarm. But there is cause for improvement. The second half hinted at it but the damage had been done. In a couple of weeks we go to City. If we start like we did at Anfield we will be on the end of worse beating than we took in the transfer market yesterday.

6)

Out of the darkness there must come out the light. United are better than Chelsea and Moyes is not inferior to Mourinho. That I learnt after 90 long minutes last Monday night. United were the better side and deserved to win the game. OK we didn’t and Chelsea got their draw, but I was fairly happy with what I saw. It always amuses me how neutrals take it personally when there’s a bad game or a nil-nil draw. It’s as if the players have let them down. The papers were tearing into the clubs the day after. So it was nil-nil so what? I actually enjoyed that game. It was intense, played at breakneck speed – it was fascinating. Yes it missed genuine quality in the final third but this is football. If every game finished 5-5 it wouldn’t be long before people were bemoaning the lack of defensive nous. Take the game for what it is. Love the highs and live the lows. Marvel at the spectacular and deal with the dull. Love it all – it’s a beautiful game.

7)

A brief aside from the Chelsea game: that was a handball by Lampard. It was a definite penalty. Where has this new post-modern revisionist interpretation of the handball law come from? It’s painful. If the ball strikes someone’s arm and blocks or diverts its path it’s a handball. He may not have done it on purpose but so what? If I slide for the ball, miss it and take the man out it’s still a free kick whether I did it on purpose or not. It doesn’t matter if I’m a nice guy, if I pay my taxes, if I robbed an old lady or punched a nun – it’s still a foul. Using your hand or arm is an unfair advantage. Intent is utterly subjective and impossible to prove. Please can pundits and officials alike stop over-complicating a simple rule and start implementing one of the oldest rules in the book? Handball!

8)

All we need is {to stop hyping} Shinji Kagawa. He’s a good player but he’s missed most of pre-season – he deserves his spot on the bench. Anyone turning him into the saviour we’re missing is going to be seriously, seriously disappointed. I like him as a player but I worry he’s not strong enough. Many disagree and I am desperate to be proven wrong but my gut is telling me he’s not a moyes’ player and he’ll be gone next summer (probably really cheaply to a rival who goes on to win loads of European cups).

9)

Bale to Madrid is wrong. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong. British footballers (pre-peak) just don’t go abroad. I can’t help but feel that he has somehow distorted the natural equilibrium – the world’s balance has been destroyed. He is a British star – he should be coming to United. Or at the very least we should be slagging him off for choosing Chelsea over United. The natural lineage from Sharpe and Giggs has come to an end. This was the player to take the mantle and run with it, all the way down the wing. We said a while back that if we can’t sign Bale (and as an aside I think he’s a good guy and hope he does well in Spain – he seemed buzzing yesterday) we have to sign the next Bale. The jury’s out on Zaha but with our recent transfer record I hope Ferguson saved his best pick for last.

10)

I wrote last season that Ferguson was an attacking manager (and an attacking player). He took risks. He would not go gently into that good night. Moyes is a defender. You can see it straight away. He needs to adapt. Not because it’s what Ferguson did – but because you don’t win anything without taking risks. Work-rate and discipline alone cannot take you into glorious new territory. It requires inspiration, genius and fortune. The three usually go together.

11)

Is Ryan Giggs. I don’t need to extol his virtues here. But Moyes needs to learn to trust other players regardless of whether we’re playing Liverpool away or Hull at home. If Giggs plays forty games this season the squad system has failed (and he’ll be knackered).