1.
“I survived a gunshot wound. What are the odds on that?, big picture wise I am up, way up.”
Tony Soprano, The Sopranos
Manchester United is a curious thing. On the one hand thriving and affluent, on the other stale and stagnant. Simultaneously weighed down by history and buoyed by the prospect of a bright future. The question is, when will these two worlds collide? When will the future we are continually promised by Woodward et al actually, you know, happen? In other words, when will we get good again? Because it will happen. History demands it. (Plus we’re spending loads of money so it should be a lot easier than when we were trying to win the league with Obertan.) Ferguson leaving was our gunshot wound. We were arrogant enough to think that we could just move seamlessly from one manager to the next. We were so wrong. Moyes came, Moyes went We were on our knees. A powerhouse bereft of confidence, with a demotivated squad, questioning life without Ferguson. We didn’t want to admit it but we required major surgery. Change was needed. Enter Louis Van Gaal. I love this man. Not for his tactics, nor for his style of football and certainly not for his team selection or substitutions. And I definitely do not love getting battered by Arsenal (Bergkamp. Dennis. Statue. Wow.). I love him because he’s brave enough to do what very few managers would have been prepared to do. Namely, to take everything Ferguson built, tear it up and start again. Since he arrived he has sold over twenty first-teamers. He has ripped up the training pitches (literally) and identified the chronic lack of talent in our youth teams. This summer was the first a manager had been in charge at United for twelve months. Our work wasn’t perfect. But it was good. Not title winning good...but it was a start. Some days I find myself wandering the streets wondering what the hell Van Gaal is playing at. I kick a loose stone, hands in pocket and harrumph. Blind at centre half? Really? Young at left back? At Arsenal? Eh? Arsenal have a statue of Dennis Bergkamp because he scored a hat trick against Leicester? Really? Sometimes life doesn’t make sense. In this post-Ferguson world nothing makes sense. If you lose yourself in the detail you’ll drive yourself mad. So I’ve learnt to just roll with it. To chill. Because when I take a step back, come in from the cold, and look myself in the mirror I realise, big picture wise we are up. Way up.
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2.
Dave stays (until July)
To anyone with eyes it was clear around April that Spanish Dave had his heart set on a move back to Madrid. His performance levels - that had been extraordinarily high - dropped around the Everton game, culminating in an ‘injury’ and a grand farewell at Old Trafford. No one could be disappointed with David De Gea. From the skin and bones teenager that flapped under every cross, to a cool, calm and collected match winner he has grown into the role of the world’s best goalkeeper. He endured abuse from the media that no teenage footballer should. Gary Neville spent 10 minutes on Sky dissecting his performance at White Hart Lane (Jan 2013) and told the world that “Vidic isn’t staring at him because he fancies him”. It was too much. As a keeper there is nowhere to hide. It’s all or nothing. But heaven forbid a young goalkeeper should make a mistake. The scrutiny on him was too intense. But Ferguson stuck with him and De Gea’s career had its tipping point, ironically, in the Bernabeu. Hs fingertip save from Fabio Coentrao after 7 minutes remains one of the greatest. His performance justified Ferguson’s pre-match claims that the boy “had become a man”. So when Madrid came calling it was hardly a surprise. But though he grew up in Illescas, Madrid, could De Gea resist the temptation to move home? No. And though it was logical, it was still disappointing. No one can be bitter towards De Gea but it’s OK to be slightly miffed. When Ronaldo left to fulfil his Madrid dream he did so a world player of the year and on the back of a second European cup final. He couldn’t have given us more. De Gea could. One title isn’t enough. He should be determined to leave United a multiple champion. He should be looking to conquer the Premier League and then take La Liga in his stride. Naive I may be, but that’s what I’d expect. And before we fall over backwards to accommodate Madrid it’s worth having an envious look across town and ask ourselves why Sergio Aguero and David Silva aren’t banging on the door to move back to Spain. The truth is they’re incredibly well paid, they’re challenging for titles and they may just have realised that Manchester isn’t such a bad place after all. If only someone could convince De Gea of this. Because the speed at which his contract was signed and the muted quotes that followed its announcement suggest to me a very agreeable buyout clause. So agreeable in fact, it may already have been agreed. Expect to see David De Gea in a Madrid shirt by July 1, 2016.
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3.
No full back option
If you’d told me a few months ago Luke Shaw would be our most exciting player I’d have laughed. If you’d told me 4 weeks ago that we’d lose Shaw to injury I’d have burst into tears. Funny game football. But not funny haha. Shaw arrived at United around the same time as his critics. “For all that money shouldn’t he be doing a lot better a lot quicker?”, was the general consensus. Forget the fact that he was 19, he’d just been made the world’s most expensive teenager and forget that he’d gone from the quiet life on the coast to Man United. Shaw was expected to fly - and i mean that literally. When he proved to be a mere mortal who needed a bit of time (and tough love) to adjust the knives came out. But he earns lots of money! He should be better than Pele! Well he wasn’t. Fast forward twelve months and with a strong pre-season behind Shaw came back a new man. From the first minute of pre-season you could see the player we had on our hands. And then it was gone. This is football. Everyone gets injuries - it’s the manager’s job to build a squad capable of coping. LVG will claim he’s done that but the stats suggest otherwise. Since Shaw got injured United have conceded 8 goals in 5 games (excluding Ipswich). With him we’d conceded 2 in the previous 6. That left side of defence that previously had looked so solid has become exposed. Blind looks like a rabbit in the headlights, glancing over his shoulder hoping to see Shaw covering round. But, like the wind, he’s gone. A combination of Darmian, Young (uch) and Rojo stand there in his stead. It isn’t pretty. And it’s why Graziano Pelle, Sadio Mane, Julian Draxler and pretty much every Arsenal player have had their fill against us in recent weeks. It says a lot when I’m pleading with LVG to reinstate Phil Jones to the defence. He must dive back into the transfer market in January. He has no full back option.
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4.
“Gentlemen, we have run out of money; now we have to think.”
Winston Churchill
It is very tempting to view the transfer window as the solution to all your team’s problems. “When the window opens…” goes the prefix to a lot of broken dreams. The good teams use the window to top up and refine what they already have. The more desperate binge hoping to find salvation at the end of an agent’s mobile phone. United found a happy medium this summer. For every player that came in, 1.5 went out. Van Gaal has spent 15 months getting rid of the players that didn’t want to be there (I include Hernandez and Welbeck in that. Anyone who was at MK Dons last year will have seen the two of them with faces like slapped arses) and bringing in players that do (ahem Di Maria say whaaaat?). That is well and good. But there has to come a point where we focus on what we have instead of what we don’t have. At the moment United are endlessly chasing that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. ‘Next summer we’ll sign Bale’. ‘The summer after Ronaldo will come back’. We’d do better to take stock of what we do have and make it work. That is the biggest challenge facing LVG. Last year we knew we were desperately lacking in all areas. This season, a year in and after a full summer transfer window behind him, LVG will be determined to prove that he is more than a “cheque book manager”.
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5.
RVP yeah you know me
Has a Premier League’s star fallen as quickly as Robin Van Persie’s? One minute he’s winning player of the year, sealing the title for Man United, scoring goals and looking every inch an all time great. The next he’s on the bench at Fenerbahce. Nobody mourned him. Nobody even mentioned him. Oh shooting star, how near yet how far. Van Persie’s impact at United was Cantona-esque. In the 2011/12 season United did not win a single league game in which they were behind. For a team renowned for comebacks and impossible dreams this was unheard of. We lacked magic. We lacked quality. We bought Van Persie. His first season (and Ferguson’s last) was almost parodic. Comebacks happened week in week out. In his second full appearance he scored a hat trick that included an injury time winner at Southampton. There was a winner at Anfield, at City and a goal at Chelsea all before Christmas. United won all three fixtures for the first time in a hundred years. When his free kick flew via Samir Nasri’s foot into the bottom corner at the Etihad the title was all but done. The messiah had returned. Could he carry us post Ferguson? No. He was not a Moyes fan. He could be forgiven that. But surely Van Gaal would reignite Van Persie’s career, just as he had done at international level? Alas, no. It may not make much sense but the signs were there. Van Persie’s four World Cup goals (including his superman impression) masked his toiling performances. The spark was gone. As the tournament progressed he became less and less effective. Netherlands instead relied on solid foundations and Arjen Robben. A late start to the season didn’t help Van Persie and but for a brief flirtation over Christmas, Oh Robin Van Persie never returned. In his place was the much less fun Robin Van Persie. The goals dried up with a missed penalty home to West Brom epitomising his troubles. Oh how the mighty had fallen. And oh how ruthless Van Gaal was. His international captain turned to ash in the time it took him to miss a sitter at Villa. And just like that he was gone. Out of the side, out of England and off to Turkey without so much as a public thank you from the official United Twitter feed. How will history judge Van Persie? A world class striker among the very best from 2009-2013? Or a surly, injury prone moody wotsit capable of the utmost quality when the mood took? Probably somewhere in between. And though the departure was ignominious I’ll never forget those few glorious months in the winter of 2012. Oh Robin Van Persie.
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6.
“Very good – get off!”
Morecambe & Wise
It happens so often that your best performance is followed by your worst. Rio Ferdinand was in the Premier League team of the season for 2012/13. Within six months his career was all but finished. John Terry was touted the league’s best defender last season. He’s watched this year from the bench. Michael Carrick, winner of the unofficial Denis Irwin most underrated player award 8 years running may well have reached the end of the line. Last season was Carrick’s most influential. Our win rate with him was over 70%. Without him it was below 40%. His performance against Manchester City at Old Trafford (and at the Etihad when he came off the bench to play centre half) was immense. Here was a player at the peak of his game. But once you reach the peak it can only ever be downhill. And so it’s proven this year. Carrick has looked a shadow of his former self. His body language towards Schneiderlin shows an old dog being asked to perform new tricks. It also suggests he’s not entirely comfortable being one of two deep lying midfielders. Carrick turns 35 in July. He’s been a wonderful player for Manchester United, but this year may be one too many. Alas poor Carrick, I knew him well.
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7.
“What can the England of 1940 have in common with the England of 1840? But then, what have you in common with the child of five whose photograph your mother keeps on the mantelpiece? Nothing, except that you happen to be the same person.”
George Orwell
Orwell had a knack for destroying nostalgia and sentimentality. But he was right. We grow up, we change, we reconfigure over time to the point when the child of five in the photograph is gone. It may be depressing, but it’s life. It’s so inevitable it’s not worth debating. And yet we do. When it comes to Wayne Rooney we debate endlessly the hows and whys. How has it come to this? Why has he regressed so much? The fiery, brilliant player of his youth has been replaced by a listless beast of burden. Not so much pale imitation as pure parody. It is beyond argument that he is hindering the development of this new United side. Yet still there are people out there who fight his corner. Rooney has had a career that will stand the test of time. But that he is no longer the same player as he was ten years ago is not in doubt. And no sugar coated BBC documentaries should persuade fans otherwise. The Wayne Rooney we see today may be the same person we saw in 2005, but he’s not the same player.
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8.
“What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type.”
Tony Soprano
I’m all for progress. And I understand trends and fashions. But it’s gone too far. The constant need for self expression, the need to be noticed all the time...it’s pitiful. The need to be seen to be saying the right thing and expressing sympathy and showing the world what a great life you’re having - it’s too much. When Luke Shaw broke his leg, the world exploded in sympathy. Of course, I sympathised, but this is football. Unfortunately, injuries happen. But the outpouring of emotion on Twitter was vomit inducing. If you know Luke Shaw pick up the phone and call him. If you don’t, well maybe keep it to yourself. If I thought this outpouring was genuine I’d be OK with it. But it’s just part of the need to be seen and heard. I see it in sportsmen all the time. When something goes against them we see a rueful, ironic smile. A smile that says ‘I’m not losing control, I’m totally in charge of my emotions here and nothing can shake my unrelenting sense of confidence.’ I absolutely hate that. A decision goes against you and you smile at the ref. You miss a chance and you smile. What’s wrong with you? I remember Sheringham’s debut. He missed a penalty in front of a hateful Spurs crowd. They were baying for blood and they got it. He didn’t smile. He had a face like thunder. A face of murder. A face that said “I am absolutely fuming”. It wasn’t about ‘I’d better show the world I’m not that bothered’, it was a primal, instinctive response - that’s what football should be. That’s what sport should be. The smiling and preening Aussie cricketers who sneered every time an umpire decision went against them - it was unbearable. I want to see players that care. I want to see them keep their emotions in check, play with an even temperament but when something has gone wrong i want to see them fume. I want them to reveal their real emotions. On the pitch I want snarling warriors who occasionally cross the line. Off it I want the strong, silent type. Because they win you titles.
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9.
Lend me your ear
A question. I’m no good with the maths but when it comes to the ratio ‘great song / terrible player’, can anybody ever better Radamel Falcao? Like ever? Has anybody inspired such an infectious melody from the terraces while being so hideously awful on the pitch? I think not. John O’Shea might not like it but Radamel, I’m awarding you the title of ‘best song/ worst player’ in the history of football. Good luck Chelsea!
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10.
Back of the net spend
Some extremely rough figures for you. This summer Manchester United spent £96million on players. They received £70.5 million in transfer fees. Had the De Gea deal gone through as planned that total would have increased to £85 million (accounting for the incoming Keylor Navas). Off the wage bill went Van Persie, Di Maria, Falcao, Nani and Januzaj – without question five of the biggest earners at the club. I am not your man for financial analysis, my grasp of the figures is rough at best. But those numbers do not add up to the ambition of becoming Europe’s premier side any time soon.
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11.
Is Ryan Giggs
When Angel Di Maria was given the number 7 shirt it felt a return to the old days were upon us. With Di Maria on one side and Adnan Januzaj (adorning the number eleven shirt on the other flank) the world was our oyster. A very wide oyster with speed and skill that would terrorise the rest of...errr...all the other oysters. Ahem. But oh how quickly things change. Angel Di Maria is now in Paris and Januzaj has taken up semi-permanent residence on the Borussia Dortmund bench. Where did it all go wrong? In their stead are Memphis (Ashley Young seemingly persona non grata with the left wing) and Juan Mata. Mata may be the current United player of the month (quite the accolade) but a flying winger he is not. Memphis has the attributes but not the experience. We are a long way from the Giggs and Kanchelskis/ Beckham/ Ronaldo balance that we grew so accustomed to. You could argue that Van Gaal wants to play a different way, that he’s not bothered about flying wingers. But the failed pursuit of Pedro, the imaginary one of Sadio Mane and the constant one of Gareth Bale suggests otherwise. Mata may be the current flavour of the month, but he won’t be in the team this time next year.
